Better Version of Me
by ValorOrgulloso
Summary: Harry didn't realize the damage he caused until his godson Teddy came back into his life. And, with romantic feelings growing towards the boy, he doesn't know if he is fixing his life or setting it up for more destruction. HPTL underage stuff, slash
1. Chapter 1

Better Version of Me

Chapter 1

"I don't want a home, I'd ruin that. Home is where my habits have a habitat." –Fiona Apple

O O O

"This is the fourth day in a row he hasn't shown up for work. I know he told us not to contact him, but something serious is going on. He needs help."

"He wants his space, Hermione. He's a bloke, after all, and you know how he said he's been stressed out from all the public attention."

"Even this much space is unhealthy for the greatest of loners, with or without paparazzi and fans. We've barely seen him outside the Ministry or its cafeteria in _seven months_. It's only when we force our way into his life that he comes out. And we only saw him on his own free will before then because it was Christmas at your mother's house, and he's too polite _not_ to show up."

"Well, what do you expect we do? Knock down his door?"

O O O

A sharp hammering of fists on a door woke him up. He groggily tried to open his eyes, finding the light unbearable.

Harry groaned as the sun ate its way through his window and onto his face. He rolled over on the bed, pulling a pillow over his face to muffle the light.

A crunching sound beneath his stomach and a sharp sting on the same part made him jump up out of bed, blindly trying to see what he had just laid on.

It was glass. From a bottle he had no doubt ended up falling asleep with. That had become habit, but Harry had never broken the remains of his drinking festivities. He sighed, knowing he'd have to get rid of the sheets. They were stained with the bottle's remnants.

More hammering.

Harry glared out his bedroom door into the hallway where the front door was. He had told them to stay away.

Maybe they would go away if he ignored them. With that in mind, he pulled off his bed sheet, careful to parachute the sharp glass within it. He carried it away to his kitchen's trashcan across the hall, ignoring the pounding.

He lived in a small, Muggle condo, and the expanse of the place wasn't very spread out.

"Harry, we know you're in there!" Harry heard Hermione call through the door.

"Yeah, mate, we can see the light coming from under the door, and we can hear you!" added Ron.

Harry rolled his eyes, annoyed. There was a reason he told Ron and Hermione specifically to not drop by. He didn't particularly want company, and he knew they would go out of their way to give it unless he gave them explicit instructions otherwise.

And those instructions only worked to his benefit for four days. Four days of blissful emptiness, in which he could drink to his heart's content, go to the nearby café, skive off work, and pretend that he never saw death.

"We're going to _Alohamora_ the door if you don't respond," said Hermione.

"Go away," Harry called, knowing it was useless to do something other.

"Harry, what have you been doing?" she asked. "We haven't seen you in days. Will you please let us in so we can talk?"

Harry shifted around through his pantry until he found a headache-relieving potion. He was still squinting at the light all around him, his hangover not as bad as the one yesterday, but it still was definitely no picnic.

"No. Go away," he repeated. He popped open the cork and sighed as he downed the amber liquid of the vial. It soothed his pounding head and rolling stomach. Also, it did wonders for his throat. He was up in the middle of the night throwing up, and he hadn't had the chance to grab more than a few glugs of sink water and sips of the bottle of Fire Whiskey before crawling his way back to bed, determined to pass out.

He grabbed a biscuit from a basket sitting on his counter. The potion may help settle his stomach from the nausea, but he was still starving.

"Please, Harry," pleaded Hermione. "We're really worried about you."

"Don't be." Harry took a large bite of the biscuit.

"Don't be like that." There was a long silence, then, "What about Teddy?"

Harry frowned and set down his biscuit. He didn't answer because he hadn't seen his fifteen-year-old Godson since Christmas.

"He needs a father figure in his life, Harry. You're all he has. He stays with his grandmother, but she's old, Harry. He needs someone younger to provide for him and keep up with him. Locking yourself up like this and ignoring your family isn't like you! You—"

The door opened, and Hermione stopped talking. She looked angry, then shocked, presumably at Harry's atrocious appearance. Behind her, Ron stood, raising an eyebrow as he took in Harry's form. Harry didn't know what he looked like, but he felt shitty enough, so he assumed he looked similar.

"I just woke up," Harry grunted, as if excused, and turned around to return to his kitchen and biscuit. He didn't look behind him to see if they were following: he knew they were.

"You're a mess," Hermione accused.

"Yeah, you look like crap," Ron agreed. They both sat down at the table, across from Harry.

Harry glared at them over his now mostly-eaten biscuit. "Thank you, mum and dad. I wasn't expecting company."

Hermione conjured a mirror. She held it up to his face.

He saw her point as he gazed at the mirror. He hadn't shaved in a week, so his shadow was quite hefty and not so much a shadow as a growth. His eyes were bloodshot: his hair, greasy and a war zone. His clothes were wrinkled, and there was a large brown spot on his white undershirt where he had rolled into the Fire Whiskey on his bed.

He shrugged, pushing away the mirror. He had already known he looked like crap.

He grabbed another biscuit and then got up to get a drink of water. He knew better than to pour his usual morning hour drink with Ron and Hermione in plain view, and he also knew he was rather dehydrated from last night's heavy drinking.

He didn't offer them anything. They were the ones who invited themselves over, and he wouldn't give them an excuse to stay long.

"Why haven't you been at work?" asked Ron. He worked in the same department as Harry, albeit he had gotten several more promotions than him. Ron was more of Harry's boss than coworker now. Harry really didn't have any motivation or interest in the department, The Department of Magical Games and Sports, despite his Gryffindor Quidditch background. He wasn't interested in it as he sort of lost enthusiasm in most things after defeating Voldemort. He only got the job in the first place because Ron wanted him to work with him, and he needed something to do to fill up the empty days. Hermione had been promoted to the Head of the Department of Magical Creatures the year before, fighting for their rights and assisting their legal troubles.

Harry shrugged noncommittally. He seemed to do that a lot, but it was much easier than actually answering.

Why hadn't he been at work?_ Because I don't care, _Harry would answer._ The boss won't fire me even though I am probably the most irresponsible, laziest worker there. There's no point. He doesn't want to fire Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, so I can do whatever the Hell I want. Why try when I can't get ahead anymore in life than my predestined fame? This is the end point, and I can reach no other recognition or happiness._

But to say that to Ron and Hermione would be admitting defeat. It would be admitting to his ultimately unhappy, lost life, and then they would try to make him change. And change was bad. Change brought lack of order and stress and fear.

Hermione folded her hands in her lap, taking on a professional tone. "Well, if you insist on behaving like a resplendent child, at least answer me this: have you seen Teddy since Christmas?"

Harry took a sip of water then deliberately set the glass down. Water sloshed over the sides and onto the table. "No."

"Why not?"

"What is this? Twenty questions?"

Hermione glared at him. "I'm just worried. I saw Teddy last week when I dropped by for a visit to give Andromeda Teddy's monthly potion. He misses you. I can tell. He asked about you. Wanted to know if you had gotten any more tickets for a Puddlemere United Quidditch game."

Teddy got irritable once a month around the full moon, and Hermione, being the head of her Department, was able to get him a potion that quelled his mood swings he inherited from his werewolf father. Harry, a benefit of his own Department, was able to get free tickets to various Quidditch games, not that he couldn't afford the tickets himself, but one seemed to have more fun at free Quidditch games.

Over the years, Harry had taken Teddy to multiple games, at least a few every year. Teddy used to stay weekends with Harry; from the time Harry had owned his own place until Teddy went off to Hogwarts.

Recently, though, Harry hadn't invited Teddy over to stay. The summer before, he only stayed over three times in comparison to the weekly visits before. It was already mid-July, and Harry hadn't talked to Teddy since Christmas. Not even a letter.

He tried to push the guilt away, but he couldn't. And he was only reminded of the guilt because of Hermione. His lack of eye contact with either of his best friends was evidence enough of his inner conscience making him feel lousier than he already did.

"You should invite him over soon," said Ron. He looked about the kitchen hesitantly, eyes lingering over the pile of dirty dishes in the sink and the nearly stock-full open cupboard of endless booze. "But, er, maybe clean up the place a bit before hand." He sniffed. "And take a shower. I hate to say it, but you smell like a troll."

"Thanks," Harry sneered. "Now I'll be sure the go along and do nice like you want me to just like a good little servant."

"Harry!" Hermione scolded. "We're your friends, and you obviously need help. We only want what's best for you."

"Mm."

"_Really_. Now, you're going to shower, and we'll clean up this kitchen. Okay?" Hermione seemed wary. She could sense Harry's foul mood. She was walking on coals.

"Fine." And Harry turned, grateful for any reprieve from the judging eyes of his best friends. He knew what they must think of him, seeing his place thrown around haphazardly. It was one of the reasons he hadn't had them over in recent months, on top of the fact that he just felt like being alone. He wasn't proud of his lifestyle, but when no one had to see it, what did it matter that his place was a mess?

Harry hopped in the shower, grateful to wash away the strong stench of alcohol, sweat, and body odor, although he would never admit it aloud.

He threw on a random assortment of clothes and begrudgingly returned to the kitchen.

It was sparkling, although its empty sterile feel was even more noticeable now that there weren't dishes and grime to cover it up.

Harry had never owned many things, only ever acquiring what he's needed. As a result, much of his condo looked nearly unlived in, despite its nice wood flooring and design and the fact that Harry had lived there for ten years. He didn't own any artwork, except a few photographs of friends. It wasn't that he couldn't afford or want it: he just didn't see the point. He wouldn't look at a fancy vase or painting and appreciate it if it sat on a side table or hung on a wall. It would just be a reminder of his loneliness and isolation. It's hard to appreciate art alone. A second opinion would be needed for true art criticism.

Ironically, the most unlived in place of the house, Teddy's impromptu bedroom, looked the most lived in because Harry had once made an effort to make something look nice for another, which is more than he had motivation for when it was just himself. Teddy's room had artwork, and Harry always kept the door closed except when Teddy came to visit.

Hermione and Ron were standing in the midst of the now gleaming kitchen, wands held smugly in their hands.

"Let's finish this discussion in the living room," suggested Hermione.

They went to the living room, which had a sofa, two chairs, and a coffee table. There was a picture of a seven-year-old Teddy on the mantelpiece as he flew on his first broom, along with one of Ron and Hermione together at their wedding, and one of his parents from the album Hagrid had given him so many years back: these were the only art pieces he didn't need a second opinion on.

They sat down, Harry one of the chairs, so there would be no opportunity for anyone to touch Harry's hands with pity or sympathy, as Hermione often liked to do.

Hermione reached into her bag that she carried with her at all times and pulled out some parchment, an ink well, and a quill. She laid the ménage of objects on the coffee table.

"First thing's first: you need to write to your Godson," she said.

Harry sighed, knowing she was right. She was always right.

With a heavy heart, he pulled the items towards me. He dabbed the tip of the quill in the ink and then hovered it above the parchment. What was he to say? He hadn't ever gone so long without writing to his Godson. An apology seemed logical, but Harry didn't want to acknowledge the drift if Teddy hadn't noticed it.

_Teddy, _he wrote. No, that wasn't right. He looked up at Hermione anxiously. "Do you have more parchment?"

Hermione raised an incredulous eyebrow at Harry, observing the one word written on the page, but she got out another sheet.

"Thanks," he muttered.

_Dearest Teddy, _Harry corrected.

_How was your fourth year? Hopefully you're __not__ getting into trouble with the Marauder's Map like your father did at school. He would be so proud._

_If your schedule isn't too busy,_

_Anyways, I was wondering if you'd like to come over next Friday for the weekend. Perhaps I can pull us some professional Quidditch tickets to go to on Saturday: I hear the Appleby Arrows are playing Puddlemere United in London's stadium._

_I've really missed you this past year, and I look forward to seeing you._

_Love,_

_Harry_

Looking at the finished product, Harry couldn't help but cringe a bit. It sounded a bit formal and strained, but that was what their relationship had been for the past few years, especially the past few months, and Harry couldn't change that.

Harry looked back up at his friends. Hermione was watching him with scrutiny, and Ron looked like he had fallen asleep.

"I'm done," said Harry unnecessarily.

"Let me see," Hermione said, holding out her hand. Rolling his eyes in annoyance, Harry handed over the letter for Hermione to inspect.

"Next, are you going to hold my hand as I cross the street for some coffee?" asked Harry.

Hermione didn't glance up at Harry as she muttered, "You'd be surprised."

Huffing, Harry fell back against the chair's back.

Finally, Hermione looked up. "You need to write this on a clean sheet," she said.

"What? Why?"

"You crossed out a line. It looks _sloppy_." Her face cringed as though the "sloppy" letter were a dead rabbit.

So Harry rewrote the letter on a clean sheet. Once more, she looked over the letter, approving. Harry gestured with his hand. "You're going to have to send it for me. I don't have an owl, remember?"

Hermione frowned, and Ron, who was apparently no longer asleep, said, "What happened to Nona?"

"Nona was an evil bird. She stole my underwear from my open drawer and would drop it outside my window. I sold her back to the pet store. She also bit a lot." Nona, admittedly wasn't too bad, but Hedwig was the only owl Harry thought he could ever own. He had a connection with her, and he felt guilty when he had bought Nona: it felt too much like he was trying to replace Hedwig. So he got rid of her.

Grimly, Hermione smiled and stood. Ron followed suit, well trained as he was, and she took the letter and folded it and put it gingerly in her bag.

"I'll send it right off."

"Good."

"And you'll come to work Monday?" Ron asked. It was Friday, and Harry never went to work Fridays.

Harry nodded. "I'll come to work."

Then Ron and Hermione left, and Harry couldn't say he wasn't relieved.

"I need a drink," Harry muttered.

He went to his cupboard and poured himself a glass.

**A/N:** I write my fanfictions from memory of the books and movies. I don't care to look up specifics like the name of Departments in the Ministry, so I know they're probably a bit off and/or made up.

Reviews equal unicorns and crème brulee.


	2. Chapter 2

Better Version of Me

Chapter 2

"Faced with the dodo's conundrum, I felt like I could just fly." – The Shins

O O O

His treacle tart got up and walked off the plate. Frowning, Harry jabbed his fork at it. It jumped off the table and scurried away, as though it had legs.

"Come back," he muttered, trying to catch it. He got up and tried stabbing it again but fell over, tripping on his overly large bathrobe, landing flat on his face. The pie ran out of the condo door, and Harry crawled after it. "Bloody dessert."

The treacle tart hopped down the porch and onto the sidewalk. Harry, in his meager attempts, fell down the stairs leading down to the pavement. He closed his eyes against the pain. Suddenly, maniacal laughter filled his ears, and Harry opened his lids to look up into the searing gaze of Lord Voldemort: he was holding Harry's treacle tart in one pale claw. He brought the tart up to his nose and gave an exhausting sniff.

"Is this yours?" Voldemort asked. He said it mildly. "Pity." With that, Voldemort took a huge, crummy bite out of the buttery sweet. Harry could do nothing but watch in agony from the ground as Voldemort devoured his treat. When Voldemort finished, he reached down and wiped his hands on Harry's bathrobe. "That was quite delicious." Harry couldn't find it within himself to argue with Voldemort's actions.

Straightening up, Voldemort grinned and took out his wand, pointing it at Harry. "I guess it's time for you to die now."

Green light flashed, and the laughter started up again.

O O O

Sweating and gasping, Harry sat up in bed. He heard a chirping and snapped his head towards the window. Gasping, he put a hand to his chest when he noticed the bird staring in at him with wide yellow eyes all too similar in looks to—

"Weird arse dream."

Sighing, he got up and opened the window, letting the owl putter through and onto the inside ledge. Pulling the letter off the owl's leg, he noticed his Godson's sloppy handwriting on the outside. He opened it.

_Harry, _wrote Teddy,

_Fourth year was laid back (not full of dragons and merpeople, anyways), but the teachers turned pretty scary towards the end of the year. Something about "preparing us for our OWLs year." I said it was a load of crap, and Victoire told me I'd be sorry I said that. I think she's nuts._

_Anyway, I think it'd be wicked to stay at your place next week. (I am definitely not too busy. Victoire has been driving me crazy, and everyone else is on vacation). What time should I have Gran unlock the wards? I look forward to seeing you. We have so much to catch up on! _

_Miss you,_

_Teddy_

Harry sighed, the guilt officially sewing its way around his veins, much like Teddy had done ever since his existence. Teddy's letter was so open and eager, even somewhat lonely, and Harry had pushed him away in the past months.

Grimacing, Harry walked to the kitchen and set the letter down. Taking a sip from a nearby glass, Harry grabbed writing materials and began to form a reply.

O O O

"Hey, sport!" Harry said as soon as the door opened. Quickly, the air got knocked out of him as he was engulfed in the arms of his—now tall—Godson.

"Harry!" said Teddy happily, his face buried in Harry's chest. Harry returned the embrace, not remembering the last time he had been hugged by anyone.

Sheepishly, Teddy pulled back. Harry held the boy at arms' length. Harry smiled at him. "You're bigger than I remember." Teddy's head now reached Harry's nose, when previously he barely reached his chin.

"Growth spurt," Teddy said. He puffed his chest proudly. He led Harry inside to the living room.

"Yes, well, don't get too tall or I'll have to invest in new doors."

Teddy laughed. "Gran, Harry's here," called Teddy, sticking his head through the doorframe to what Harry knew to be the kitchen. Harry observed his Godson. Today, Teddy had turquoise hair and his regular face, as he so often wore when he was around Harry. Having a Metamorphagus Godson was interesting and certainly never boring, as he often enjoyed changing his hair color and showed off his abilities when there were parties. When Teddy had come to visit in the past, Teddy didn't generally wear his different faces, although Harry knew he liked to wear them during school and when he was around strangers: he said it made him feel more comfortable. Harry could relate to that, as anonymity had always been a great desire of his own. On more than one occasion, Harry envied Teddy.

Harry was standing by the fireplace when Andromeda entered. "Hello, Harry," she said, albeit rather coldly.

Harry smiled at her, but he felt rather hollow inside. He knew he didn't deserve a warm welcome after his isolation period, but it would have been nice to not be reminded of it. He knew, though, that that was hoping for too much: not everyone could be as forgiving and understanding as Teddy.

"Andromeda." Harry inclined his head. "How've things been?" 

"As well as to be expected, what with your sudden cut off from civilization: especially _Teddy_."

Harry sighed, glancing down at his feet, then a worried-looking Teddy. Teddy was looking from his Gran to Harry as though waiting for one of them to explode. Harry turned back to Andromeda. "Look, I know I haven't been the best—"

"You've been a downright _lousy_ Godfather to poor Teddy here!" she interrupted.

"Gran," Teddy began, moving towards her. She glared at Harry vehemently, holding up a hand towards Teddy. He stopped. Then she looked away, seeming to lose all steam.

"I don't want to fight right now. And I'm too disgusted to look at you now, Harry. Teddy, just go with him. We'll deal with this when you two get back. Have fun." Without looking at either of them again, she retreated back to the kitchen.

An awkward minute stretched on as Harry and Teddy stared at the kitchen's entrance.

Putting on a smile that felt very, very false, Harry turned to Teddy. "Got your stuff?"

Teddy let out a shaky laugh. "Yeah. One sec."

Teddy ran up the stairs of the quaint cottage, and Harry waited by the door for him to come down.

Harry rocked back and forth on his feet, blowing out a breath. He hoped Andromeda's clear aversion to him didn't ruin the weekend Harry had planned. He had managed to get the tickets to the Quidditch game like he told Teddy he'd do. His boss, a middle-aged square called Frank Schaefer, seemed surprised he wanted the tickets as he had been rather dormant and had not gone to a sports match in almost a year, but he handed them over readily enough, no doubt hoping Harry was finally gaining an interest in his job. Harry could only grimace at the man's stupid optimism: couldn't he just fire Harry already?

Teddy returned with a stuffed duffle bag. Harry smiled at him and held out his arm. "Shall we?"

Teddy returned the grin and grabbed onto his arm. "Whatever you say."

O O O

After Harry Apparated them back to his condo, Harry led Teddy to his room.

"Your room is the same as it's always been, as I figured you wouldn't want anyone messing with your things," said Harry.

"You didn't have to do that," protested Teddy. "This is your place—I don't want you to feel like you have to keep my room just because I sometimes visit." Teddy threw his bag on the queen-sized blue bedspread.

"Teddy, you're my family. There isn't anyone else I'd rather stay here."

Teddy's face remained unexpressive, and Harry desperately wished to know what the fifteen-year-old was thinking. Harry knew he must have hurt Teddy when he didn't contact him: after all, Harry and Teddy were once very close, and now the space that had grown between them was filled with awkward tension and air. It was the air Harry had the most trouble coming to terms with.

Instead of responding to Harry's confession, Teddy turned and sat on the edge of the bed, facing Harry who stood in the doorway. "So what's the plan for today?" he asked, face now set in a relaxed smile. It didn't quite reach his eyes, and Harry drove forward to answer in desperate hopes of making his Godson forget about his upset towards him.

"First, I thought maybe we could visit the local conservatory: you know, nature and all that mush. I hear they now have a room for tropical poisonous plants." Harry knew Teddy was quite interested in Herbology and wanted to do something for him to make up for the past year.

"Hopefully they keep them locked up."

"They must for fear of someone—"

"Eating them, poisoning someone, killing themselves, stealing them, or otherwise using them for illicit uses."

Harry let out a short laugh. "You got them all in one go."

"It's a gift—and maybe a result of paying some extra attention in the greenhouses. What's after the nature walk?"

Harry's mouth rose in a half-smile. "Some dinner out in London. I know how you love ogling at all the Muggles as they pass."

"I don't _ogle_, and their culture is very unique."

"Different is the word I think you're going for. We're more unique than them."

"How do you figure that?"

"Well, there're more of them than us."

"You have a point. They're more _interesting_ then."

"Righto."

Teddy hopped up. "So when do we leave?"

"Have you eaten lunch?" asked Harry.

"Yeah, have you?"

"Not yet, but I can just grab a sandwich and a drink before we go. You just get settled."

"Alright: everything's in the same place?"

Harry nodded, pausing as his foot was out the door. "Just as you left it, Teds." And he left the room to prepare his lunch. He poured himself a decidedly _small_ portion of whiskey before gulping it down and starting on the sandwich. He would need his nerves to be worn down to deal with a whole day of dalliances with his wonderfully neglected Godson, and alcohol was the perfect solution. Teddy would probably like him more, too, when he wasn't so uptight.

Harry was just washing up when Teddy walked into the room, flip-flops and khaki shorts matched with a pair of Ray Ban sunglasses.

"You look ready for summer," observed Harry.

"And you don't," said Teddy, his lithe body leaning back against the wall. Indeed, Harry was wearing long jeans and an old t-shirt.

Harry shrugged. "You can't win them all."


	3. Chapter 3

Better Version of Me

Chapter 3

"Do we mean the things we do; do we do the things we mean?" – Jeremy Fisher

O O O

"Where did your television go?" asked Teddy, decked out in gray sweats and a t-shirt. His bright blue hair was rather rumpled. He had just woken up.

Harry was rummaging through his pantry searching for cereal absently. He frowned when he found none. He turned back to Teddy, sighing in resignation as he leant against the gray countertop. "I got rid of it."

Teddy leaned back in the chair at the table, sipping orange juice from a mug with stamped and smeary snowflakes all over it. Teddy had given it as a gift to Harry when he was seven. "Why's that?"

"No use for it, I s'pose. I never watched it." Harry and Teddy made awkward eye contact, and Harry broke it quickly, opting instead to rummage through another cabinet.

"I did. Gran never owned anything Muggle—said it was uncouth for a wizard to own such items. I always liked that when I came here. You didn't care if it came from Muggle or magic: you just got what you wanted because you liked it."

Harry, finally resigned to the fact that there was no cereal in the house, made a noncommittal "hmm". He sat down at the table and sipped at his own juice.

"Do you remember when Gran first saw the telly when she came over to get me when I was eight? I'll never forget the look on her face—she was so appalled." Teddy smiled fondly at the memory, but his sudden sad expression turned Harry's stomach. He knew he wasn't being very loquacious, but he had been having thoughts about Teddy ever since yesterday's stroll through the conservatory.

He felt filthy, but whenever his Godson had turned to him with that innocent smile, he couldn't help but admire the young man Teddy had turned into. He was so bright, intelligent, and it showed. Teddy would make comments every so often on the different plants they saw, and his eyes shone in delight when Harry would inquire more. Teddy was all too eager to please and would ramble more than necessary on the subject. Part of it was his passion for the subject, yes, but Harry knew Teddy wouldn't try so hard to explain with just anyone. Teddy loved him: that much Harry knew. But when his stomach would clench and his eyes would follow Teddy with his eyes as he moved to examine a plant more up-close, only all-too-often, Harry knew he had a problem.

So now Harry felt disgusted with himself: more so than ever. He knew he had issues to sort out, but with this new attraction to his underage Godson, he felt like a monster. And now that he was conscious of his desire, he couldn't seem to act normal around Teddy.

The fact that Teddy clearly wanted to make Harry happy just added to the severity of the situation. Here Harry was, feeling like he was some criminal, and the very knowledge that Teddy adored him made him feel quite conflicted. On one hand, he couldn't help but guiltily rejoice, but there was a never-ending feeling of inadequacy and self-disgust.

"Harry?" Teddy's voice broke through Harry's muse. Harry jumped when a soft hand touched his. "Are you alright?"

Harry grinned at the boy, half effort. "I'm fine, Teds. Just thinking."

"'Bout what?"

"Just who is going to win at today's match. Appleby Arrows, I bet." Teddy pulled his hand and rebuffed.

"Never! Puddlemere United are the first in the country! They've won the last four U.K. Quidditch Championships."

"Wanna bet on it?"

"Yeah, I do! You're gonna be sorry." Teddy laughed. "Speaking of the match. I need to shower before we go." Teddy sniffed and scrunched his nose at Harry. "And so should you."

"I don't smell!" Harry was indignant. First, Ron and Hermione thought he stunk (which, albeit, he did, but he wasn't expecting company) and now Teddy.

"No, but you look like you got attacked by a pack of Hippogriffs." Teddy reached over and ruffled his hand through Harry's nest-like hair. Harry's stomach filled with squirming rocks.

"This is what I _always_ look like." Harry tried very hard to control his heartbeat and now quick breathing.

"Yeah, but today you look extra disheveled." Teddy laughed and Harry now truly grinned at him. The boy stood. "I'll see you in a bit. I'm so pumped!"

"Me, too, Teds." Teddy sent Harry one more melting smile and escaped into his room. "Me, too."

O O O

"See? I told you they would win!" And it was true: Puddlemere United had creamed the Appleby Arrows by one-hundred-and-seventy points. "Now you owe me!"

Harry collapsed on the couch in the living room. Teddy plopped himself down right near. Harry sighed as he could feel the body heat from Teddy. Their naked forearms were barely touching.

"And what do I owe you?" Harry asked, looking over to see his Godson's face mere inches away. Harry felt his body react. He grabbed a pillow and rested it on his lap.

Teddy looked away and pretended to ponder. He stroked his non-stubbly chin.

"This can't be good: Teddy's thinking," said Harry. Teddy immediately broke character and grabbed Harry's lap-pillow and hit him with it.

"Hey! I take personal offense to that statement!"

Harry laughed but grabbed the pillow back and covered himself back up. The lighting was dim, but Harry didn't want to take any chances with his Godson so near him.

"What do you want then? A television? I'm sorry I got rid of the old one. If I'd known it'd meant that much to you, I would never've—"

"Harry, it's fine. I was actually hoping I could talk with you about something—"

"Oh, this sounds serious," joked Harry. "Is this part of the dubbed 'owing?'"

"Sort of." Teddy sat up on the couch so he was facing Harry. Once he was facing Harry, though, he appeared to be very interested in the hem of his shorts. His eyes furrowed in concentration. "Are you depressed?"

"What?" asked Harry, startled. He sat up straight now. "Why would you think that?"

Teddy shrugged but still didn't look at Harry. "You've been off of what you used to a few years ago. I've barely seen you lately. And the past two days—they were magnificent, really—but you don't talk very much. Gran said some things, and I—I— I miss you—the old you—and—if it's me or—" Teddy broke off, his hair turning brown.

"Teddy," Harry said gently. Teddy sucked in a breath and pulled on a loose thread. "Teds, look at me." Teddy raised his eyes to Harry's, and his heart clenched as he saw the shine in them. "You've done nothing wrong." Harry raised a hand and hesitated a mere second before allowing it to drop on Teddy's shoulder.

"Whatever your Gran said ignore it." Harry chanced a grin. "I've just been busy. How about you start coming over more often, okay? I could use a lot more of you to help me out."

"Really?" Teddy asked, the hopeful lilt in his voice going straight south on Harry.

Ignoring his weakness, Harry said, "Really. You're very smart, and I love you very much. Don't ever think you're not wanted." Harry grabbed the back of Teddy's head and pulled him close, placing a kiss on Teddy's hair. Some of it changed to blue. Harry pulled away. "Whenever you want come over. I'll always be available when you need me no matter where I am."

Harry forced a real-looking smile with a great push. "Now, what do I _really_ owe you?"

Teddy's adoring smile was worth the effort.

O O O

A/N: Review for peace! Or honk.


	4. Chapter 4

Better Version of Me

Chapter 4

"In the motions, and the things that you say: it all will fall, fall right into place." –Modest Mouse

O O O

Harry awoke in the middle of the night to a shout. Running out to the living room's fireplace, he saw Teddy's frantic face floating in the green flames. Before Harry could speak, Teddy said, "Something's wrong with Gran!"

Harry, nearly sober, nodded, on the outside calm but inside a jumble of chords. "I'll be right over, Teddy." Teddy bit his lip but broke the connection by pulling out from the fireplace.

Harry toed on his slippers and grabbed his robe in ten brief seconds, then he Flooed over to Andromeda's and Teddy's home.

Andromeda lay on the floor, apparently unconscious, of the living room as Teddy, distressed, hovered hopelessly. "She won't respond!"

"What happened?" Harry asked before changing his mind. He couldn't think straight. His heart was racing. Andromeda. "No. Nevermind. We're going to St. Mungo's. It'll be alright, Teddy." Harry patted his Godson's back before picking up the not responding Andromeda, who fell limp in his arms.

"Grab my arm," Harry ordered. Teddy, tears in his eyes, did as he was ordered, and Harry turned, Apparating the trio into the magical hospital.

O O O

Three hours had passed since Teddy had fire-called Harry. They had towed Andromeda into the hospital, and Healers had immediately surrounded them, asking questions of what happened. Teddy tried his best to explain, but he did so with difficulty and not well. From what Harry and the Healers were able to gather, Teddy had come down for a cup of water in the middle of the night and spotted Andromeda laying on the ground in a sprawled position. Teddy, unable to revive her, started to panic and called Harry. Teddy didn't know how long she had stayed there before he found her, but she still had a pulse.

The Healers believed her to have had a stroke. They were now performing surgery on the clogged artery, magically removing the waste within the tissue.

Harry sat next to his despondent Godson on a couch in a waiting room on the same floor Andromeda was brought. They had sat together in silence for the longest wait they had ever experienced—or, surely at least, Teddy had experienced.

Teddy had stared at the same spot on the floor for the last twenty minutes, arms folded in his lap and legs apart. His brow, hair a dark black now, was furrowed into his eyes, concentrated and hard.

Harry watched him stare, occasionally reaching a hand over to rub Teddy's neck or shoulder or run his hand back through his dark hair, so reminiscent of Harry's own. Teddy never said anything, merely sighing or leaning slightly into Harry's touch.

It had been three weeks since Harry had first allowed Teddy to stay the weekend. Teddy had come over nearly every other day, at least for a brief visit. He hadn't been getting on well with his Gran for the first week after visiting, so he had come over to Harry's frequently to just "hang out" as Teddy coined the occasions. After, he had just stuck with the same routine as the first week. And, although Teddy refused to tell Harry what his arguments with his Gran were about, Harry had a hunch they had to do with Harry's neglect of Teddy.

Harry knew Andromeda hadn't forgiven him, and she knew he didn't deserve Teddy's forgiveness, either. Yet, still, Teddy refused to be angry with Harry, at least openly, and Harry was forever thankful for that. Having his Godson back in his life again was a miracle in itself. Harry didn't think about his ultimate ending or drink nearly as much as he had in the previous year. He hadn't realized quite how unhappy he was until his Godson entered his life once more, bringing a familiar but lost joy into his small home. And, somehow, Teddy's beautiful smile seemed to make every hurt of the last year better.

Teddy had left some of his things over at Harry's condo, but Harry could tell the boy had meant to leave them. It was both humbling and endearing the way Teddy would purposefully ignore the way Harry would raise an eyebrow when he laid his broomstick and sweatshirt on Harry's sofa before snatching up the Floo powder and going back to his Gran's home the week before. Teddy wished to be with Harry, in a purely innocent way, Harry was sure, yet that fact had only led to Harry becoming even more besotted with the boy.

Harry sighed and looked at the worried, dark face of the boy for whom he would do anything. Harry couldn't forget that his Gran was in the hospital. Harry had experienced so many losses in the past, but Teddy had not. Not that Andromeda was going to die, but the chance was there, and Teddy, sheltered as he was, didn't quite understand how to deal with a situation such as this.

Finally, unable to bear the gut-wrenching silence between them, Harry reached over once more and placed his hand on his Godson's neck, massaging it gently. Teddy sighed and turned towards Harry, resting his forehead on Harry's shoulder. He didn't cry, but his shoulders shook.

Wrapping his arms fully around Teddy, Harry said, "Your Gran is a strong woman. People, especially Wizards and Witches, survive strokes all the time."

"Not well," Teddy moaned. Harry's arms tightened protectively at the pain in Teddy's voice. He wished he could take his pain away as easily as Teddy took away his own.

"Well, whatever happens, I'll be here, okay? You'll always have me."

Teddy pulled away and out of Harry's grasp, his face suddenly red and even more distressed than before.

"What, like you were there for me the last year?" Teddy snapped. "How can I expect you to be there when you barely work, drink _all _the time—don't think I don't notice—and have kept me virtually out of your life for the last year, not even responding to my letters? I don't know what to expect when it comes to you except for inconsistency!" The harsh tone and words were like arrows through Harry's chest with everything he was trying to avoid attached to their tips.

"Look, I know you're worried about your Gran, and Hermione doesn't give you the wolf potion until tomorrow—"

Teddy turned to look at Harry, and the mere expression on his face made him falter. "Harry, _you_ abandoned me. _You're_ the one with the issues, not me. Don't try to make this my fault." Harry looked away, not wanting to face the judgment those words rang of the truth. He felt a light caress on his cheek. "When this is all over, Harry." Teddy's gulp resounded as he stroked Harry's cheek once more. Harry looked at the upset boy. "When this is over—after we get out of here and figure out how Gran's doing, I—you need to see someone—like a psychiatrist. I—you haven't been dealing with life well. Gran's talked to me about it. She thinks—"

But whatever she thought was never known, as a Healer entered the room. Teddy immediately moved away from Harry. "You can see her now," she informed them kindly.

The pair got up heavily, following the blonde Healer through the halls of St. Mungo's and up to a plain, wooden door. She turned the knob of it, and Harry and Teddy followed after her into the sterile room.

Andromeda lay on the hospital bed, pale and frail, a floating IV attached to her arm. She wasn't conscious.

"She won't wake up for a few more hours. After that, we can further assert her condition," the Healer explained. "If you want to go home and get some rest, you can come back in and see how she's doing later. We'll send an owl if her condition changes and you're not here yet."

Harry nodded and thanked her. She smiled kindly and left the room, not commenting on his status of the Boy-Who-Lived like several previous Healers had done. For that, Harry was grateful.

Teddy had already approached the bedside. He picked up his Gran's hand and squeezed it tightly. A few tears escaped his eyes and trickled down his face. He hastily wiped them away.

Harry let Teddy have a long moment with his grandmother before placing a solemn hand on his shoulder.

"Come on," said Harry. "Let's go home."

Teddy nodded and released his Gran's hand, allowing Harry to grasp his own as he led him down the hall and out of St. Mungo's.

O O O

"This is the one."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, it's perfect. I know just the place for it."

Harry smiled and turned to the sales assistant. "We'd like this one."

The man nodded and spoke of the television's details and features. He got it packed up and Harry pulled out his Muggle credit card to pay for it when they went up to the cashier.

The store workers offered to help carry the screen to his car, but, seeing as Harry did not have one, he declined and Teddy and he carried it outside and around the back. From there, Teddy grabbed onto Harry's proffered arm, and they Apparated away, back to Harry's flat.

Immediately upon landing, Teddy ran out into Harry's living room. "It should go right here!" he declared.

Smiling slightly at his Godson's enthusiasm, Harry followed Teddy into the room. "Well," Harry said as he evaluated the space his Godson had chosen, "we'll have to turn around the whole room's set up, but if it really _must_ go there—"

"It _must_," Teddy insisted.

"Then I _suppose_ we can take the time and labor out of our days and beings in order to satisfy the location of your new toy."

"Not just mine!" Teddy insisted, but he didn't pause as he dragged the large plasma-screen television's box into the living room. "Also, you have a wand. You can just make everything float around and put the furniture in their new places in, like, two seconds." Teddy tore open one end of the box, then effectively pulling out the screen.

Harry collapsed on the couch, lying down on his back, unable to see his Godson from where he took out the television behind the couch. "I see how it is," said Harry. "I'm only here to do your biddings at your beck and call."

"Of course, why else would I keep you around?"

Harry opened his mouth, not quite sure what he was going to say, and not quite sure if it was going to be appropriate, but, fortunately, Teddy appeared in front of him at that moment.

"Come on, slave. Help me hang up the 'toy'." Teddy grabbed Harry's hands and pulled him up from the sofa. Harry went willingly, relishing the feeling of Teddy's smooth hands against his own.

The pair then proceeded with the process of hanging up the enormous television and rearranging the room. After they finished, Harry and Teddy sat down on the couch, now facing the screen on the wall.

"So, we don't have cable. And we have no video player," Harry observed.

"Are we going to get those things?" asked Teddy. He turned to look at Harry. Harry smiled and returned the look. He didn't fail to notice the "we" Teddy used in his question, and secretly thrilled at it.

Harry nodded. "Yeah," he said vaguely, noticing the soft swoop of blue hair covering Teddy's eye. "Yeah, we will."

Teddy seemed to sense Harry's change in demeanor, as he then scooted over closer to him, burrowing his bright head under Harry's chin, wrapping an arm around him.

Harry was surprised in the best of ways, and he wrapped his arms carefully around Teddy's shoulders. "We'll get the cable and video player after we visit your Gran tomorrow. Does that sound good?"

Teddy nodded, and Harry steeply turned his eyes down in order to see the gesture. Teddy's lids were closed. Harry pressed his lips against his brow, tightening his hold and feeling a rush of affection towards the boy burrowing himself under Harry's skin.

Over the past few days, after his Gran's stroke, Teddy seemed to crave Harry's affection more often. Harry garnered it down to being afraid of losing the only other person he had to look after him. But, to Harry, he couldn't help but wish to read more into the actions of his Godson.

And, with the person he loved most in the world comfortably crushing his heart, he realized he was truly and permanently screwed.

O O O

A/N: Review :)


	5. Chapter 5

Better Version of Me

Chapter 5

"Huh? Get a job?"

"What for?"

"I'm trying to think."

–The B-52s

O O O

Uncomfortable was the dinner that greeted back Andromeda Tonks back into the world of the living. St. Mungo's finally decided her well enough to let her go, with prescribed potions that she had to take twice a day. Fortunately, there was no serious brain damage or new disability left as an aftereffect of the stroke, except for perhaps slower movement and a frequent shortness of breath.

So, in celebration of her release, Teddy and Harry made a modest feast of eggplant, spaghetti, crescent rolls, and salad. Admittedly, Teddy did most of the cooking, as his Gran had taught him how to prepare most of the items already, while Harry was more of an assistant in the process. Harry preferred meatballs with his spaghetti, having never acquired a great liking for eggplant, but Teddy was a vegetarian and the pseudo-chef, so eggplant it was.

Harry never quite reconciled with Andromeda, and their relationship hadn't improved since her tenure in the hospital. And so, when the small family sat down at the dining room table for dinner, a cord of tension threaded through the air and their ears, all the way down to their stomachs, in which the eggplant and pasta sat heavily.

"How's the office?" Andromeda directed at Harry after swallowing a delicate amount of pasta. He knew that she knew he disliked his work and asked the question directly in jibe.

Harry set down his glass of wine and cleared his throat, fidgeting with the napkin in his lap. "Actually, I have taken leave with my vacation time. It's sort of a semi-permanent break."

"Oh?" she asked. Harry couldn't read her position on the matter. "What does that mean: 'semi-permanent break'?"

"It, er, it means I might not go back. I'm sort of sick of working there, anyways." Harry wound a noodle around his fork, nonchalantly taking a bite.

"You're sick of it."

Harry barely restrained himself from rolling his eyes; after all, Andromeda just got out of the hospital. "Yes."

Andromeda leaned back in her chair and folded her hands in her lap, as though evaluating Harry. "You've worked there for years."

"Yeah, and now I'm not so sure I want to."

"Why the change of heart?"

Harry shrugged, not too much a fan of where this conversation was leading. "I hardly ever really worked, anyways." He took a big bite of the eggplant.

"Ah, so you weren't busy for months and months with work," she said, patronizing. Teddy shifted nervously between them, setting his glass of water down heavily on the wooden table. The pair did not so much glance in his direction.

Harry swallowed heavily, forcing the fried vegetable down his scraped esophagus. He set his utensils down and looked Andromeda square in the face, now a bit peeved and nauseous. "Look, I didn't agree to eat dinner here just so I could be reprimanded."

"Why are you here, then, Harry? For me and my ailments? Because you didn't give a damn before, when Teddy had failing marks in three of his classes he was so depressed, or how he would lock himself up for hours everyday in his room, _extremely_ upset and hurt, doing who _knows _what! Pining for you, probably!"

"I didn't—"

"Gran!" Teddy interrupted, for the first time in the whole conversation. His hair was now a brick red, reflecting his darkened cheeks.

Andromeda turned towards her grandson. "What? Don't you think he should know how you've felt for the past year of his abandonment? How you loved Harry unconditionally, and he was too wrapped up in his own alcoholic life to make an effort to write a single bloody letter to you to ask how you were doing! No, I think it's about time that he makes up for his mistakes and realizes his faults!" By that point, Andromeda was winded, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

Harry didn't know what to say. He merely stared at his Godson, whose visage faced downwards, buried under his red locks.

"Now," Andromeda heaved, and Harry looked at her, "it seems as though you've made some sort of effort for reconciliation the past few weeks, and I'll give you that, but if you _ever_ hurt my grandson the way I saw him earlier this summer again, I will make you wish you'd never been born." She paused to take a sip of her wine. "Also, you need to decide what to do with yourself. You quit your job, you say?" She shuffled around in her pocket for a moment before pulling out a business card. "I want you to schedule an appointment with Healer Covitch. She's a therapist who specializes in depression and emotional illnesses. She's a longtime friend of mine, so I'll know if you haven't written and scheduled. You should have time, now, with all those vacation hours."

Harry swallowed, embarrassed and angry. "What makes you think you can force me into a meeting with some mind evaluation doctor?"

Andromeda didn't flinch at his harsh tone. "If you don't go, I won't allow Teddy to stay over anymore. You don't go, you won't see him again."

"But Gran," protested Teddy. "It's my choice if I want to be with him—"

"No, Teddy, this is for the best. He needs to get his act together, or show he's willing to, before I can trust him with you." She offered the card out to Harry, tauntingly.

Harry, tight lipped, snatched the card from her hand and shoved it in his pocket.

"Does that mean we're in agreement?" she asked, kindly almost.

Harry nodded one staccato head bump. He wouldn't acknowledge her rightness or blackmail.

She smiled. "Well, if you boys are finished, I'd like you to clean up. I'll go serve the ice cream." With that, she creakily got out of her seat and hobbled off to the kitchen.

Hesitantly, the pair stood. Harry hadn't finished his meal, but he had mostly lost his appetite after that little episode. They stood in silence, Harry calming himself down enough so he could speak normally.

Finally, Harry turned to his Godson. He sighed. "Teddy, I had no idea that—"

"It's okay," Teddy said, not quite looking up at Harry. "I've forgiven you. You know that. I feel like we always end up talking about it. Gran's so hard on you. You messed up, but you're only human."

Harry sighed. "Sometimes, Ted." He paused. "Sometimes you have to face what you don't want to, even if it's scary or difficult. I didn't take the easy way out fifteen years ago with Voldemort, but I forgot myself and did recently. Your Gran is just trying to make me make right decisions, not easy. I just don't understand how it got this bad. And—I'm sorry. I wasn't fair to you. But your Gran's crazy about you, so you have at least one person who will always look out for you."

Teddy smiled slightly and grabbed Harry's hand, hair turning back to his usual blue, his watery eyes looking up at him finally. "Two."

Harry returned the smile and squeezed his hand. "Two," he agreed.

In what seemed an impulsive move on Teddy's part, he leaned up and hugged Harry tight. Harry returned the gesture with enthusiasm, loving the feel of his Godson's lithe form pressed up against his own. Sniffling a bit, Teddy went to pull back, kissing right in front of Harry's ear as he did so.

In that moment, Harry's heart stopped beating. Yes, Harry had kissed his Teddy before, on the brow or hair, but never had he gotten a returned motion. Harry forced himself not to read anything into the kiss.

Teddy withdrew completely, and Harry immediately missed his solid presence.

Teddy shifted awkwardly, grabbing his plate and utensils. Harry quickly mimicked his example. As Teddy left in front of him, he sent back an uncharacteristically shy smile. Harry returned it, and somehow felt it was the most genuine one he had given and received in a year.

Soon enough, the dishes were all finished and stored away, and all three sat down in the parlor to enjoy the treat, mostly in silence.

"So, Teddy," Harry began, "if you Gran doesn't mind, are you still up for the movie at my place?"

Teddy immediately nodded and looked imploringly at his Gran. "Please, Gran? I've been wanting to see a movie on that screen for _forever_."

Andromeda looked amused, yet severe at the same time. "On a. . . television, is that it?" she asked.

Teddy nodded. "Yes, it's magnificent."

"I suppose. Are you going to be staying overnight?"

Teddy, once more shy, looked at Harry. "If that's alright."

Harry quickly agreed. "Of course."

"Brilliant, thanks, Gran!" She let an indulgent smile leave her lips, but she eyed Harry warningly. He looked away from her probing stare, uncomfortable.

Shortly after, Harry and Teddy Flooed to Harry's condo and changed into pajamas. Teddy, having brought what seemed like half his wardrobe over to Harry's place already, just took some out of the drawer of the dresser in his room.

Harry popped some popcorn while Teddy put a recent action movie into the player that Harry and he had bought. Together, they settled down together on the couch and propped their feet up on the coffee table contentedly, sharing the bowl of popcorn.

They laughed and criticized some of the sillier parts of the movie, but they were mostly in awe of the special effects and plot.

Halfway through the movie, Teddy yawned heavily and started nodding off.

"You want to go to sleep?" Harry asked. "We can finish it in the morning."

Teddy shook his head and just set the popcorn down on the ground before lying down on the couch, his head in Harry's lap. "Nah, your legs are squishy enough. Besides, I really do want to see the end of the movie now." Harry raised an eyebrow but did not protest the new arrangement. In fact, from this position, Teddy's shirt had risen up to a point that Harry could sneak a few looks at his modest abs before guiltily forcing his eyes to the screen, where an explosive blew up a ship one of the protagonists was supposedly on.

"Harry?" asked Teddy, eyes now closed and voice heavy with sleep.

"Hm?" Harry answered, lightly running his fingers through Teddy's soft, blue locks.

"Diagon Alley tomorrow?"

"For school?" Harry asked, a sort of ache forming in his chest, now realizing that the past month of solid Teddy was almost at an end. But it was for the best, really, because Harry's lusting after Teddy had to stop. Space would be needed in order to stop his inappropriate feelings.

"Mmhmm, Gran can't—too sick."

"I'll make sure you get everything."

"Mm, 'anks, 'Arry." Teddy was nearly asleep. "Love you."

"No problem, love," Harry whispered, the endearment nearly silent. Harry didn't even watch the rest of the movie, keeping his gaze directly on a sleeping Teddy. He gently stroked his hair and cheeks, wondering what would happen if one day he _did_ slip up and confess his feelings. Of course, it was only in his wildest dreams, and it was silly to think of Teddy wholeheartedly returning said feelings; he would never, Harry knew that.

Teddy was fifteen, Harry was thirty-two, and he was the boy's Godfather. Most found such a romance disgusting, not to mention illegal.

Yet, in the deepest, darkest recess of his heart, the part where he had never let anyone touch even at his most vulnerable moments, he could imagine a happier life where he didn't live in lie of his love for Teddy, and where Teddy loved him back the same way and they were accepted by everyone. And, even without the last part, his longing was strong.

Eventually, the movie ended, and Harry had to get up and move Teddy. But first, ever so slowly, he leaned his head down so his nose was an inch from Teddy's face. He stared at Teddy's soft eyelashes that spread delicately across his ivory cheekbone. Soft puffs of breath left his nose, and Harry inhaled the sweetness. His eyes came to rest on the perfect, full lips. They were the most enticing things Harry had ever seen. He longed for just a taste.

With an aching gentleness, Harry carefully brushed his lips against Teddy's. "I love you." Teddy began to stir, and, as though struck, Harry yanked his head back up.

The sharp movement jostled Teddy enough that he awoke. "Hm? What time 's it?" The boy sat up.

"Half past twelve." Harry was shocked he could answer normally with the way his breath had left him.

"The movies over?"

"Yeah, but you didn't miss anything great. The movie wasn't too interesting towards the end." As if Harry would know. He was too busy creeping on his Godson to notice.

"Okay, well, to bed we go, then," decided Teddy.

Harry nodded, swallowing heavily when his filthy mind wondered what would happen if _they_ went to bed.

Putting the popcorn on the counter on their way past, Harry and Teddy wandered to the hallway with the bedrooms.

"Goodnight, Harry." Then, with the same, strange look Teddy had given Harry earlier, he leaned up on his tiptoes and lightly kissed Harry's cheek, lingering a second too long. He disappeared into his room before Harry could react to the bold action.

Harry, stomach in absolute knots, went to his own room and lay awake on top of his sheets for a very long time, his confused mind having trouble explaining Teddy's kiss for anything other than attraction.

O O O

A/N: Yaaa, so I was on a writing frenzy today and wrote two chapters. I wrote for like three hours straight, no potty breaks. Sometimes this happens. Well, REVIEW, anyway, because I went crayzay.


	6. Chapter 6

Better Version of Me

Chapter 6

"You're the only thing that I love. It scares me more every day. On my knees I think clearer." -Snow Patrol

O O O

Harry aimlessly flurried through a three month-old copy of Quidditch Weekly as he waited for his name to be called by the flirty receptionist. Luckily, the room was empty but for him. For, if Harry Potter, Boy-Who-Lived and famous recluse, were seen sitting in this particular firm's office, no doubt questions of an uncomfortable nature would arise.

The Department of Magical Games and Sports could be seen referenced all throughout the pages, whether it was for regulations they set up or tournaments they organized. Apparently, despite Harry's leave, he couldn't quite escape what he broke away from in weeks previous. Tired of the magazine, he set it back down in its rack in favor of counting the ceiling tiles.

He was going out of his mind with boredom, and if his name was not called by—

"Harry Potter!" With perfect timing, his desire was granted. Gratefully, Harry stood up, but, as he followed the employee down a thin hallway lined with graceful landscapes and abstract paintings all along the wall, he began to long for the safe and unsuspecting waiting lounge.

The woman leading Harry knocked on a dark, mahogany door at the end of the corridor.

"Come in!" called a woman's thin voice. From what Harry could tell, she was at least sixty.

Entering through the doorway, Harry bid the woman who led him there farewell.

As Harry expected, in the spacious office resided a wizened witch with numerous age spots, wrinkles, and pokey veins. She had a kindly face, with light gray eyes of a startling sort, as well as bright pink lipstick that clashed surprisingly well with her ensemble of a navy robe. She swam in the garment, and it looked as though a strong gust of wind could knock her over. She smiled at him as he entered, settling his nerves somewhat.

"You must be Harry," she greeted, as though he wasn't famous. "I am Healer Covitch. It's a pleasure to meet you." She held out a pale, bony hand for him to shake.

Hesitantly, Harry took the hand. "Nice to meet you as well." She gestured for him to take a seat, and he did so with less caution than a moment before; after all, her grip had been firm and honest.

The office, as well as the person, was not at all as he expected. Somehow, in his mind, he had envisioned a dark office with blank walls, a shrink couch along one wall, a wooden chair along another, where the doctor would sit with a pad and quill, analyzing his mind carefully. Fortunately, the vision he had was off somewhat. Alas, the office was rather dark, with one window along the wall, and only a few lamps. However, the glow gave off cozy feel to the room rather than a claustrophobic one.

Harry's chair was in front of the desk, while Healer Covitch's behind, although there was another seat next to his, prime for her to sit beside him if necessary.

"Now, I hope you don't mind me asking a few questions to start off with," Covitch said. From what Harry could see, she had no quill or pad visible for taking notes. Harry wasn't sure if he should be upset or relieved.

Harry tossed a hand forward in acknowledgement. "Go ahead. I'm, er, not entirely sure how these things work, anyway."

She smiled at him graciously. "Well, I hope everything turns out towards you liking." She leaned back a bit. "Now, I first have to ask: what is the reason you are here?" She waited patiently, an open expression on her face.

Harry found trouble speaking. "I, er, well-that is to say, I-" The problem being for his trouble was not that he didn't know what to say but how to say it. He was ashamed, admittedly, of his past isolation, and had trouble broaching the subject.

"It's alright," Covitch reassured him. There was more patience in her voice than Harry could have mustered. "The first session is always a bit difficult to start. Don't worry: it will get easier as you become more comfortable with me. This is a high confidentiality program, Mr. Potter, and you'll find I've sworn with my magic to not disclose anything said outside this room without your permission. I am here to help and guide."

Thankfully, that made Harry breathe easier. He relaxed, surprised to find his posture was ridiculously stiff before. "Are you ready to start, Harry?"

He nodded. "I, well, for the past year or so, I isolated myself from my friends and family. Not just that, but from my Godson, too, and he's had trouble in school from it, apparently, and's been upset. It was gradual, I think, the isolation. I didn't realize I was doing it until it was too late. I was, just, I was unhappy, and I wanted someone to see, I think. I guess I didn't realize I was hurting others until they told me. Recently, I've begun making amends with Teddy-that's my Godson-but his Grandmother-Andromeda, your friend-said I had to come here for therapy or else I wasn't allowed to see Teddy again. And I-well, here I am." Probably one of the worst gargle of halts mixed thoughts he spewed recently, Harry was relieved to stop talking.

She pierced him with a look that told him she could take what he gave her, and help him, too. And, in a grim way, Harry was quite satisfied with that.

O O O

That night, after therapy, was the first night Harry dreamed of him. At first, it was innocent, muted hand holding, but then his muddied mind continued with dark shapes around him in the form of his Godson's arms. Harry had then taken his dream arms and wrapped them around the smaller form tightly, longing to never let go.

The embrace, passionate though it was, released, and Teddy, glowing and soft around the edges, glanced up at Harry with a lovelorn look before reaching up and sweeping Harry's bangs out of his eyes. Lips were on lips and hands were tugging on garments in a haste Harry had never felt before. Clothes disappeared, and there seemed to be no connection as to when that happened. Time jumped forward and kisses led down Harry's chest and down, down, down, until all he could see was a blue circle leaning forward-

And then it was all heat and silkiness. The details were mixed and muted, but the longing Harry felt was real. He could not think of a time when he was happier, when he felt as whole as he did in that moment, with the boy, charming, beautiful, below him, loving him in a way that had never felt so right. He was awed, breathless, unhinged, thrusting forward, moaning, eager, but then a blaring reached his ears and all was lost to hi-

Cursing, Harry hit his alarm clock with vengeance. He looked down at his problem, knowing it was staying until he beat it off. Alone in his home, as Teddy had not joined him that night, Harry had no qualms pulling it out and getting it finished to his heart's content. In his mind's eye, he pictured a face, a body, a motion, a feeling, until all was released and lay on his stomach in a mess.

Sighing, he got up and cleaned, before getting ready for the day. Today, Harry was seeing his dearly abandoned friends for the first time since their brief meeting earlier that summer. Hermione and Ron knew Harry had reconciled with Teddy, if only from the letter he sent the pair, or the fact that Hermione talked with Teddy last time she brought over his potion.

They didn't know, however, that Harry had had his first therapy session the previous day. He knew Hermione would be thrilled, as she lived for that crap.

All too soon, the pair knocked on his front door, and Harry obligingly opened it and welcomed them in.

"Well, I have to say I'm liking the new terms we're here on, mate," said Ron.

Harry rolled his eyes. Of course they would bring up their less-than-stellar meeting in July.

"So, you and Teddy have finally done it," Hermione said.

Harry's stomach disappeared. "What?"

"Made up," she said.

Harry laughed nervously as they made their way into the kitchen. "Oh. Yeah."

Hermione suddenly lunged on him in a hug. Harry could do nothing but endure it and awkwardly pat her on the shoulder.

She pulled back, wiping her eyes. "I'm just so happy, Harry. You're doing so much better."

Harry, disgruntled, wondered how she would react to the therapy: probably break down and sob with glee.

Seeing as Hermione wanted a response, he said, "Talk to Teddy about it."

"Oh, but he's been just wonderful. When I brought over the potion, I was shocked to see his smile. He hasn't looked that good, well, ever." Hermione shrugged. "The way I see it, you've made a great impact in his life by rejoining it."

Harry couldn't help but grin at that, though he tried to hide it by messing around in his cupboards.

The trio left for lunch shortly after that talk, and then departed on better terms than before.

Teddy was going to Floo over and spend the last few days before Hogwarts with him, and, as always, Harry could not wait to see him. Although he still felt guilty on occasion for loving his Godson in a not purely-parental way, he had to cope with it, and pushing Teddy away again was not an option. First, Harry was sure he'd go straight back to drinking very excessively again if their relationship deteriorated, and second, he couldn't bare to cause his Godson more pain than he already did.

No, Harry would just have to deal with his feelings on his own and hope they would disappear.

Later, when an excited Teddy came out of the fireplace, and he threw his arms around his Godfather tightly and enthusiastically in a form of greeting, Harry knew that would be impossible.

O O O

A/N: UM, writing this from my brand new MacBook Pro. Also, this is the first time I've ever written explicitness in a story (however tame my explicitness is). Lord knows I've read enough that it's about time I wrote some. I recently turned 18, so I guess it's more legal to do that than before. I was always too afraid to write it on a family computer anyway. What if someone found it?

REVIEW, as always, loves.


	7. Chapter 7

Better Version of Me

Chapter 7

"If I speak, I am condemned. If I stay silent, I am damned." -Les Misérables

O O O

"I can't believe you _did _that!" exclaimed Teddy, roaring with laughter.

"Well, we had to, Malfoy was number one on the Git List," said Harry.

"So, clearly impersonating his friends with Polyjuice Potion was the only logical thing to do?"

Harry shrugged, chopping an onion up. "Malfoy didn't have friends, only cronies." Harry turned his head away from his work. "I can't do this, Teddy. It's making me cry."

Teddy rolled his eyes but was laughing. "Let's switch, then, you big baby."

"Hey," said Harry, but gladly replaced Teddy in chopping the bell peppers, which would not make his eyes water violently, "I resent that title."

Teddy elbowed Harry, as they were side by side cutting vegetables on the counter for their dinner. "Then don't earn it."

Harry laughed but didn't answer. "Anyway," Teddy continued, "onions make _every_one cry. You just complain more than most."

"Oh, I see."

"I'm glad you understand my side of the issue." Teddy, finished with the onion, moved onto the zucchini.

"An issue, am I?" asked Harry, grabbing his Godson's side.

Teddy laughed, pointing his sharp knife at Harry. "Don't make me use this."

"To cut off your own fingers if you're not careful."

"Shut up." Teddy averted his smile, and Harry felt the familiar pang of want run through his body. He struggled to crush the feeling.

"So, Chef Lupin, what is next on our meal plan?" Harry asked, in order to distract himself from how temptingly carefree Teddy looked in that moment.

Teddy laughed loudly, then said, "Well, apprentice Harry, we will be adding the vegetables to the pan and then sauté them in a light brown sauce, cooking the rice alongside them. Any questions?"

Harry leaned back against the counter and looked at his Godson. "Yeah, when do we eat?"

Snorting, Teddy tossed a spatula at Harry. "When you finish cooking, slave. Now get to work."

Harry asked no further questions and merely tried quell his urge to flirt more than he already had as he moved the vegetables around on the pan.

The pair finished cooking and set about eating the meal Teddy had taught Harry how to make.

"You know," said Harry, "if Herbology doesn't work out for you in the long run, you could always become a master chef."

"Somehow, I don't think my sautéed vegetables would be the talk of the town when it comes to food delicacy. Also, since most people eat meat, I wouldn't really have a place in the industry."

"Well, _I _love your cooking, and that's what really counts," said Harry, stabbing a vegetable with his fork and popping it in his mouth.

Teddy nodded, lightly smiling at Harry. He seemed to be lost in thought. "I agree."

Harry returned the grin and the pair continued their meal in tranquil silence.

It was the second evening of Teddy's stay, and Harry couldn't help but notice he was happier than he had been in ages, at least for this long. Generally Harry's contentedness came and went like the wind. But this was staying. Well, as long as Teddy stuck around. Which, for Harry, was until Sunday, and then Teddy was off for his fifth year at Hogwarts. But Harry chose not to think about that time, rather like he chose not to think of the past, instead choosing to focus on what was in front of him in the here and now.

"So, we're gonna watch a movie?" Teddy asked. "I forget the name of the one you got recently."

"That's because I haven't told you. But one thing first: are you going to fall asleep again?" asked Harry. Admittedly, Harry quite enjoyed it when Teddy fell asleep as they watched the television: it was endearing, and Harry loved holding Teddy in his arms as he carried him back to his room.

Teddy was eager to protest. "I don't _always_ fall asleep!" Harry raised an eyebrow at the boy. "I don't!"

"Name one time I didn't have to lug your deadweight all the way back to your room after we watched something on that television."

Teddy didn't answer, instead choosing to clean up the mess they made.

With that, and a victorious smirk, Harry introduced a film that was not quite as action-packed as ones they watched previously but still looked good.

Teddy quickly joined Harry back in front of the screen. Harry was already sitting, with his socked feet resting leisurely on the coffee table, one arm resting along the back of the sofa. Teddy snatched up the remote from the same table, quickly pressing play.

Harry was startled when Teddy, looking determinedly casual, threw himself down on the couch and snuggled into Harry's side. Before, when they watched a movie or show, Teddy would at most lay down on Harry's lap, like the first time. And, seeing as Harry refused to initiate long-term contact because he was nervous about what he might do, Teddy had no such qualms.

In fact, Harry noticed that Teddy had been more affectionate than usual with him in the past two days than he had ever been before. Whether it was a caress on his arm or an enthusiastic hug, Teddy seemed to touch him at every opportunity he had. Harry summed it up to Teddy being worried of abandonment again, not that Harry planned to leave him anytime soon like he did before, but subconscious fears like that existed.

Unfortunately, the closeness Teddy insisted on having with him was a slow form of torture on Harry's part, for his body betrayed his desire far too often. Yet, at the same time, he also wouldn't push Teddy's advances away, for fear of him taking it the wrong way and becoming hurt or upset.

So, instead, Harry wrapped a gentle arm around Teddy's shoulders, who appeared bent on rejection, and they seemed to let out a collective breath of relief; alas, the world had not ended.

They watched the movie in silence, this time Teddy not falling asleep. Teddy stayed glued to Harry's side the whole time, and Harry rubbed his shoulder methodically. They were far into it when Teddy spoke, interrupting the careful quiet.

"Is this okay?" he asked.

Harry furrowed his brow, stopping the repetitive motions of his hand. "What do you mean?"

Teddy sighed, and he pulled away, out of Harry's arms, turning around to face him.

"This." Teddy gestured vaguely at the two of them. "Look, I know you must think I'm an idiot for being so annoyingly clingy-"

"Hey," Harry said. "One, you are not an idiot; don't ever think that. Second, you are not annoying or clingy. And I would never think either one of those things about you. Ever."

Teddy looked away. "Maybe."

Harry was now concerned. "Teddy, no. I absolutely love having you here with me. What's wrong?"

Teddy shrugged, picking at a thread on his shirt. His hair turned navy. Seeing this, Harry placed both of his hands on Teddy's shoulders. He bent his head forward to look at his Godson, but then sighed when the boy buried his head down further so Harry couldn't see him. "I'm not going to leave you, Ted," he said, as that was what he assumed was the issue. "I started therapy, and I've gotten my life back on track. I'll be here for you. Always. No matter what. Do you know that?"

Teddy nodded, then mumbled something.

Harry's mouth twitched upwards the slightest bit. "What was that?"

Teddy spoke only slightly more coherently: "That's not what I'm talking about."

Harry was confused. "Then why are you bringing yourself down and calling yourself names?"

Teddy finally looked up, a look of the deepest conflict on his face. "I just-the reason I said I was maybe too clingy was-Harry, I-oh, bollocks, I can't say it." Teddy buried his face in his hands, and then his back turned on Harry.

Now really worried, Harry got up to kneel in front of him on the ground. Their faces were now level, and Harry could smell Teddy's breath and see every freckle on his nose. "You can tell me anything," Harry said, trying to not focus on how temptingly close his want sat. When Teddy didn't respond, Harry opened his mouth to reassure him again, only to find another one blocking the words from coming out. Harry's voice muffled against the mouth, his senses leaving him. His thoughts cluttered, he went to reach for the face, only to find it gone, his mouth now tingling violently.

Teddy tore himself away, giving Harry only a moment to see his mortified face, before running from the room. Harry heard a door slam, and it seemed to jar him out of his reverie.

Teddy kissed him. He had _kissed_ him.

Harry collapsed against the coffee table, processing this information. Wow.

He spent only a minute collecting his thoughts as best he could before gaining enough awareness of the situation to deal with it. Slowly, he got up from the ground and made his way through the condo to Teddy's door. He knocked.

"Can I come in?" he asked. He received no response. He knocked once more. "Teddy?" Slowly, he turned the handle, poking first his head, then his whole body, in through the doorway.

A shaking mass lay under the quilt on the bed.

Sighing, Harry came over and sat on the side of the bed. Harry pulled back the covers just enough so that Teddy's now-black hair and heartbroken face were visible.

Tears ran down his cheeks, and Harry insides squirmed uncomfortably.

"Do you hate me?" whispered Teddy.

Harry reached out a hand, locking it in Teddy's hair. "No, Teddy. Never."

Teddy let out a muffled sob, burying his face in the pillow. "But, I-I kissed you. Gran says you're like a dad to me, and I _kissed_ you. I ruined everything. I'm sick-"

Harry couldn't stand to hear the pain in that voice anymore and pulled Teddy up in a hug. "Shh," murmured Harry, rocking the boy back and forth. The whole situation was surreal, and Harry was having trouble processing what it meant. "You are not sick, Teddy. I love you so much. Nothing is wrong with you. There, now, quiet down." Slowly, Teddy's sobs turned silent, and Harry pulled back, wiping away the traces of tears on Teddy's reddened, puffy cheeks with his thumbs.

Harry warred with himself briefly before placing his question. "Why did you do it?" Harry asked, for he had to be sure if he was contemplating being with-

"I'm in love with you." The words were a punch in the gut to Harry, who had imagined no blatant declarations of anything, much less love, from his Godson when he asked that question. Teddy's tortured face stared at him miserably.

Harry let out a shaky laugh, his nerves getting the best of him. Teddy, obviously hurt by Harry's response, turned away and looked once more on the verge of tears. "I knew it," Teddy said. "I'm a joke. You're disgusted, you don't want me, you-"

"No, Teddy," said Harry, effectively cutting off Teddy's ramblings. Not knowing quite what else to do, Harry went with his gut. He grasped Teddy's cheeks gently with his hands, and his Godson looked up with wonder and confusion at him. Slowly, so that Teddy had enough time to react and stop him, Harry lowered his lips onto Teddy's.

Now that Harry had awareness of what they were doing, his whole body reacted to the boy and the touch. The kiss sent shivers up and down his spine, heat pooled wetly in his stomach, and there seemed to not be quite enough pressure in the motion of moving lips, yet still an overwhelming amount. Teddy's mouth was so delicate, so soft, and Harry drank from it hungrily, moistly moving his own against it. Teddy let out a nervous laugh of disbelief into the kiss, and Harry, knowing how he felt, was quick to swallow it and put it to rest. Their lips tangled joyfully as they moved to familiarize their partner.

Knowing the kiss had to end, Harry pulled away, eyes closed and chest heaving.

"Why did you do that?" panted Teddy. Harry opened his eyes and let the bubble of happiness in his chest burst forth in a grin at his Godson.

"Same reason you did." Teddy's eyes looked nearly comical with how wide they got, hair turning an electric blue, literally glowing, and Harry couldn't help but laugh, clutching the boy to his chest tightly.

"Oh, my God," Teddy said, burying his head in Harry's neck. He shivered at the feeling of soft hair against his skin.

Harry was completely overwhelmed. "I know." He pressed his lips against Teddy's glowing head in disbelief.

They pulled apart, rather in shock at how the evening played out. Then Teddy yawned, and Harry let out a chuckle, ruffling the boy's hair. "You should get to bed. You never were one to stay up past midnight."

Teddy rolled his eyes but was smiling. "So you say."

"So I know."

Teddy, shyly, grabbed Harry's hand. "Stay?" The boy looked up earnestly at Harry. He looked like a declining answer would crumble him. The request was one Harry would never believe he'd hear from his Godson's mouth.

Harry's heart screamed, "Yes, yes, YES!" at the question, but Harry knew it wouldn't be right, no matter what Teddy wanted. Harry was the adult, and, as such, he had to put a limit on whatever their relationship had become.

He knew it wasn't accepted, and he had to find a way to talk to Teddy about it. And, to figure it out, he needed space. To sleep in his Godson's bed after they kissed could quite possibly lead to regret and shame. More shame than he already felt, anyway.

But, despite his guilt, Harry's happiness of that moment was so fresh and raw that he couldn't quell it. He couldn't act rashly because of it though, so his brain won out over heart in the end.

"I can't, Ted." The boy's face fell, but he clearly tried to cover that up. His hair stopped glowing.

"Oh," he said. "That's okay. It was a silly question, besides." Teddy got up and started grabbing clothes for bed.

Harry sighed, wondering how many extremes he was going to go to and from tonight. "Teddy," he said. "I'm just a bit overwhelmed right now. I don't understand the situation completely. I need to figure it out, and, to do that, I've got to have space."

Teddy made a sound in confirmation, but it was so blasé that Harry knew the boy was hurt.

He stood up and wrapped his arms around Teddy from behind. "I love you, Teddy. Nothing will ever change that." He rested his forehead against the back of Teddy's neck.

"Nothing?" he asked.

"Nothing."

"Okay." Teddy pulled away and shot Harry a short, semi-resigned smile.

Harry pulled Teddy back to him before he could wander too far, pressing a kiss against his malleable mouth. "Goodnight."

Teddy seemed slightly reassured by the tender kiss. "G'night."

Harry let go and turned to leave. He stopped in the doorway and looked back at the boy. "We'll talk in the morning."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

O O O

A/N: This beautiful, new computer makes me want to write. Also, sautéed vegetables are like my favorite things in the world, after chocolate, Glee, and musicals. Speaking of musicals, which I LOOOVE, I always make Teddy and Harry watch action films because I'm a girl and I don't like action movies, really (cept fo deathly hallows II it the shit), so boys are opposite and would like it. duh.

AND everyone who reviewed, hugs and kisses a million :) I would write even without you, since I enjoy it, but it is always time for a happy dance when I get some feedback, since I love hearing what people like about it (not so much hate lawl). Happy dancin' more with REVIEWS?

(P.S. Pages is a bit different than word, so all my dashes are - because I don't know how to make it the long, connected one on there. I am technology deficient)


	8. Chapter 8

Better Version of Me

Chapter 8

"_Whenever you're near, I hear a symphony play sweet and tenderly, every time your lips meet mine now." _-The Supremes

O O O

Harry awoke early and prepared himself a breakfast of cereal and milk. An owl had dropped off _The Daily Prophet_ earlier, and Harry sat flipping through it as he fed himself, although his mind was entirely elsewhere. Rather, he let images of the previous night play out like a film around his brain. Scattered shots melted in and out of focus in flashes; the press of skin, a tender caress, a pounding heart-

Which now accelerated due to nerves, pulse climbing up from Harry's fingertips to his shoulders and into his guts, churning his stomach like cream into butter.

"Oh, God," Harry moaned, dropping his spoon in his cereal with a loud _plop_ and crumbling the newspaper underneath his tense fingers. His _Godson_ admitted he was in love with him yesterday. Harry was sure it was too good to be true. Teddy was confused, assuredly, because nothing ever went so right (wrong) in Harry's life before.

What with Harry's period of abandonment, Teddy was unsure of what to feel for his Godfather, and Harry had somehow influenced Teddy's emotions by acting _too_ friendly towards him. It was Harry's fault. At least, that was the only way Harry was willing to see the situation, as any other alternative was unreal.

Just as these surmised thoughts hit Harry, the boy in question walked in to the kitchen. Hearing his footsteps, Harry's heart lurched, and he brought his head out of his bowl of cereal. Teddy, seeing he had Harry's attention, let his lips curve into a hesitant, but happy smile. Harry couldn't help but return it, despite knowing the talk about to take place could ruin their relationship forever, or at least make it awkward for a while.

Teddy took the seat directly across from Harry, and the man could not help but laugh to see that the boy had chosen the same breakfast he had. Clearly, Teddy was not up to cooking anything special this morning and wanted to get to the talking as quickly as possible.

Harry's stomach squirmed.

Teddy acknowledged the laugh by smirking a little before taking a huge bite of cereal. Noisily, Harry pushed back his chair as he stood, going to the sink to rinse out his bowl. As soon as he was done, he set his bowl down, and Teddy was beside him, also cleaning away his cereal's remains.

Harry paused, leaning back against the counter next to the sink and waited for Teddy to finish up. Of course, Teddy's cereal bowl was clean in about half a second, and the time to confront each other had come.

Harry had lain in bed before breakfast, listening to the birds wake up, and thought over a possible relationship with his Godson. An _intimate _one. And, although the idea seemed mighty appealing to Harry's libido, his moral judgement made him rethink.

As the older person, Harry had an obligation to end this- this- _thing_ before it gained momentum. He had to do right by Teddy. Teddy, who was like an adoptive _son_.

And there was no way Andromeda, or anyone, really, could ever know if their relationship were to escalate; it wasn't appropriate. Harry also knew Teddy's feelings couldn't last long. The boy was a teenager, and, as such, his fancies changed from week to week, running through crushes like dirty underwear.

And, as declared earlier, Teddy was confused. Harry had to set him straight, and their unofficially scheduled talk was the perfect time to do so.

Teddy sidled up next to Harry, a muted smile across his innocent lips. Looking down, Teddy grabbed Harry's hand in his own, smoother, smaller one.

Harry squeezed it briefly, feeling a hot pang ring through his veins, knowing he had to let the boy, and himself, down. But it had to be gently, or Teddy could end up hating him. He was delicate, so delicate Harry knew not how he didn't notice the signs before now.

"Come on," Harry murmured, leading the boy into the living room. Harry let go of Teddy's hand, choosing to sit on a chair instead of the couch, in order to make space between them.

Teddy, at first, looked like he wanted to follow Harry, but, something on Harry's face must have turned him off, as he suddenly looked worried and sat on the couch. Harry sat, silent, contemplating how to start. He knew what he wanted to say, but he didn't know _how_ to say it.

"So," Teddy said. He twisted his hands around in his lap. "I did some thinking, and I-I really do-I mean, I've always loved you-you've been such a big part of my life-but now, I want to be with-"

"Ted." Teddy stopped at the quiet word. He looked up at Harry. Harry regarded his Godson, feeling nauseous. "We can't."

"W-what?"

Harry sighed and reached over to hold Teddy's hand in his own, rubbing his thumb over the boy's knuckles. "We can't have an intimate relationship." Harry's voice was nearly a whisper. Teddy didn't say anything, so Harry continued. "I love you, I do. But it's not right. Your Gran would be horrified. I'm your Godfather. I'm twice your age. You're so young-"

Teddy ripped his hand away form Harry's, hair turning crimson. "Too young for _you_, right? Immature and inexperienced. I'm not good enough for-"

"No, Teddy!" Harry sighed and shook his head. "The opposite, actually." Harry stood up and started pacing. Teddy leaned back into the couch cushion, a peeved expression covering his face. Harry ran a hand through his hair. He stopped to look at his Godson, arms dangling by his sides. "I love you _so much_, and you're so smart, kind, mature," at this, Teddy looked away, "funny, courageous, confident.

"But you're so young, and our relationship was always supposed to be one of a parent and a child. To intensify it would be inappropriate, not to mention illegal."

Harry looked away, disliking the hurt growing on Teddy's handsome face.

"I don't care."

Harry lifted his head as Teddy stood up and walked around the coffee table to Harry. "I don't care, Harry." As if in protest, he grasped Harry's hand and brought it to his lips. "We don't have to tell anyone." Teddy refused to look away from Harry's eyes.

"You'll want a girlfriend-"

"No, I won't. I've wanted you like this for a long time. No silly girl could replace you." Teddy kissed Harry's knuckles again. "I'll be seventeen in two years. It won't be illegal then."

"But still not right. And you're too young to know what you'll want in two years. Maybe then I'll disgust you."

Teddy shook his head. "You could never."

Harry turned away. "It's not proper."

A soft hand on his shoulder. "Like I said, that doesn't matter." A rubbing palm on his arm. "I don't care. I know how I feel. I'd like to think I know how you feel, too." Arms around his waist. A warm body against his back. "I need you."

"Why?" A soft nuzzle of a face against his shoulders.

"You're my family, my guide. You're my Harry. You keep me up when I'm down. You make me laugh when I can't. You eat weird vegetarian food because I make it. You listen to me when I talk about Herbology, not the most engaging subject, I know. You spend time with me, and I now know you're not going anywhere soon. You were there for me when Gran was in St. Mungo's. You're here for me now. You care. You're everything."

Slowly, Harry turned in his Godson's embrace to return it. "I didn't know you wrote poetry," jibed Harry, although the stuffy sound in his voice took the edge out of the words. Teddy laughed softly, pushing his face against his Godfather's chest.

Harry pulled back. "Did you just sniff me?"

Teddy, sheepish, shrugged. "No."

"Right."

"Sooo. . ."

Harry sighed. He wanted this, Merlin, he wanted this. Perhaps, for now, he would let the situation lie. He no longer had the will power to fight it.

"Slowly, Teddy," said Harry. At Teddy's victorious grin, Harry continued. "We must go slowly. You go back to Hogwarts in a few days. We'll have some time apart until Christmas. We'll write, of course, but maybe the time apart will change your mind."

Teddy shook his head. "No, it won't. Unless," Teddy looked unsure, "you might change your mind."

Harry smiled grimly. "Teddy, while I don't think this is right, I still love you more than anyone or anything. That will never change, even with time apart."

Teddy grinned widely, then suddenly crashed his mouth against Harry's in a happy kiss.

"Mm," Harry said, voice muffled, but he was quick to quiet down to deepen the kiss, running his tongue along Teddy's mouth. Teddy was pliant under Harry's ministrations. In fact, the boy pushed back, just as eager to kiss as be kissed. Their tongues clashed smoothly, roaming around each other. Harry couldn't get enough and grasped Teddy's head between his hands, hoping to push closer because surely this was only the edge. Teddy's lithe body rubbed provocatively against his own through the thin pajamas they both wore. There was so much heat, and Harry's lust level was rising dangerously. He started to hard-

"Stop," said Harry, looking down at Teddy's swollen lips, no doubt a result of the positively passionate lip-lock, glistening with their shared saliva. Harry closed his eyes to block the tempting image. "Slowly, remember?" The reminder was as much for Harry's sake as it was Teddy's.

Harry felt Teddy press another kiss against his lips, and he shivered. "Kissing is going slow, right?"

Harry's world stayed black as he laughed a little. "Kissing can lead to things."

Another kiss. "What sort of things?"

Harry opened his eyes and smirked. "Nothing you need to know about, Teddy."

Teddy returned the look then pressed a third kiss against Harry's mouth. "I know a lot already."

Harry had to get away from the boy. Teddy's close proximity was making him dizzy. Teddy kissed Harry again, not pulling away this time, attempting to deepen the kiss. Harry allowed it, merely because he had not the strength to fight against what he so dearly desired.

They remained kissing for another minute or so before it got to an intensity that Harry couldn't manage to control if it went on any longer. The two parted, and Harry stepped away this time.

"I'm going to go shower," said Harry, knowing his hair must be a mess. Teddy had been running his hands through it with enthusiasm that only a teenage boy could possess.

Teddy bit his lip. "We're good, then?"

Harry laughed, walking past the boy to the kitchen. "Oh, yes. More than good."

"Okay, I'll miss you," Teddy called from the living room.

Harry let out another laugh. Ridiculous. "I'll miss you, too."

But it was true.

O O O

A/N: So, there. That was a fun chapter.

REVIEW! It makes the world go around.


	9. Chapter 9

Better Version of Me

Chapter 9

"I never did believe in miracles, but I've a feeling it's time to try." -Fleetwood Mac

O O O

"Are you sure you've got everything?" Harry asked for the ninth time, loitering in the kitchen.

"_Yes_," insisted Teddy.

"And you're ready to go?"

"Yes!"

"There isn't _anything_ you need to get from-"

"Harry, I'm ready to go to Hogwarts!" Teddy shouted, exasperated. Harry had been acting very anxious today, but he couldn't help it. Teddy was leaving for school, and Harry was going to miss him terribly.

The past few days had been like a dream; all the kisses, touches, secret looks-

Harry was going to miss all those things, too. Harry sighed, knowing his time to putter about needlessly was over. "Alright, but come here." He reached out for his Godson.

Teddy followed the command wordlessly, setting down his trunk and throwing his arms around Harry.

Harry pushed his face into the boy's neck, inhaling his scent. He wouldn't see him for nearly four months. It would be forever.

Harry lifted his face and pressed a firm kiss against his Godson's blue hair and squeezed him more.

"Too tight," Teddy grunted. Harry, reluctantly, let go, but kissed his Godson's forehead once again. Teddy laughed. "We haven't even left for the station yet. I'm sort of afraid to see how you'll react there."

Harry lightly smacked the boy's arm. "I'm going to be bored without you is all."

"Oh, is that all?" Teddy asked. He smirked at Harry.

Harry sighed. "No. I'll miss _you_ and everything that comes with that."

"I'm a package deal."

Harry nodded seriously, pulling Teddy's hips towards him, hands on either side. The boy went without complaint, giggling a little. "Are kisses included?"

"You know it," said Teddy. He closed his eyes and tilted his head up. Harry, obliging, leaned down.

Harry's lips had just touched Teddy's when he heard Andromeda's voice.

"Harry? Teddy?" Hearts dropping, the pair jumped apart like a hand on a burner.

"Shit," Harry whispered.

Andromeda appeared in the kitchen's entrance, covered in soot from the Floo. "There you two are."

"Gran!" Teddy said with maybe a bit too much exuberance. "What are you doing here?"

"Yes," Harry said. "We thought you were going to meet us at the station." Harry and Teddy exchanged a look laced with frantic relief. At least they weren't in the living room flirting when Andromeda had appeared.

"Well," Andromeda said, "I thought I'd surprise you boys and come over a little early to see my favorite grandson."

"Your only grandson," said Teddy, but he allowed a small smile to grace his lips. His Gran tugged him into a hug, although not as tight as the death-grip Harry had had him in earlier. It was also probably a bit less desperate.

Soon, after some conversing on how the week went, in which Harry did _not_ mention any of the illicit activities that had occurred, the three were off, taking a Portkey to Platform 9 3/4.

They stood around for a bit, talking and people-watching, while Teddy waved to familiar friends and faces. In some instances, his friends clearly wanted to steal him off so they could go catch up on the train, but Teddy politely avoided being kidnapped. Harry could tell Teddy _did_ want to go talk to them, but he was refraining for Harry's sake. For this, Harry was grateful but also guilty and jealous. Guilty because he was keeping Teddy from acting like a teenager and jealous because he didn't want Teddy to _want_ to leave him.

If anything, that want of Teddy's solidified the fact that, eventually, his Godson was going to leave him for someone else. Harry, ignoring the throb in his heart, nudged Teddy.

"You should go see your friends," he said.

Teddy turned to look at Harry, a hesitant expression in place. "No, I'm alright," he said. "They can wait."

"Are you sure?" Harry asked. But his eyes told a different story to Teddy. _Do you still want me? Am I really more important than them?_

Teddy appeared to have gotten the message, for he said, "Yes," firmly.

Harry smiled slightly, not completely at ease but not as pathetically hurt as before.

The trio talked for ten more minutes before Andromeda declared it time for Teddy to board the train.

With Harry's help, Teddy was able to haul his trunk into a compartment. They exited the train again in order to give proper goodbyes.

Teddy's Gran gave him a big hug first, pressing a kiss to her grandson's head. "See you at Christmas, Teddy. Owl me if you need anything. And be careful!"

Teddy smiled. "Aren't I always?"

Before his Gran could reply, Harry, who had been observing from the side, swept Teddy up in an embrace. "I love you," Harry whispered in his ear, unheard by anyone but Teddy.

"Love you, too."

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you more."

Harry let out a watery laugh. "I doubt that."

Pulling away before the hug became suspiciously out of place, Harry patted Teddy gruffly on the shoulder. His eyes were _not_ wet.

"Will you write?" asked Teddy.

"As often as you want."

Teddy laughed. "Then everyday."

Harry shared the laugh. "As you command, do it I shall."

The whistle sounded, and Teddy quickly hopped on the train. At the entrance, one foot hanging off the train, he turned.

"See you guys," he said.

"Bye," said Harry, resolutely not wiping his eyes.

"Goodbye, sweetheart," Andromeda called.

And then his blue head disappeared.

O O O

Cursing, Harry stumbled into his bathroom, rifling through the medicine cabinet messily, knocking bottles of potions and pills over.

"Where the hell are you?" he murmured. "Aha!" Harry laughed a bit hysterically before downing the sobriety potion. He hadn't needed one of these for nearly six months.

Harry had forgotten Teddy was staying over at his house tonight, in light of what happened that day.

Teddy had arrived back from Hogwarts for Christmas break. Harry was thrilled, of course, as the two had been exchanging letters like lungs and air. He had missed hearing the voice that had written him so many words. Harry wanted to kiss him the moment he stepped off the train. Unfortunately, they headed off immediately to the Weasleys' house for a welcome-home dinner for Teddy and Victoire.

_Victoire_. She was very much the crux of Harry's misery this night. Openly flirting with Teddy at the dinner table, with Teddy not doing too much to deter her, Harry had ended up drinking a bit _too_ much wine. Teddy, if anything, had appeared flattered by her advances, dealing with them by engaging her in conversation and blushing. It was a slow form of torture for Harry, who had felt extremely jealous and possessive but was frustratingly unable to _do_ anything about it. After all, he had no claim on the boy, other than what was shared between them privately. Harry had felt helpless.

If Hermione hadn't noticed his intense drunkenness and known Teddy was staying with him that night, he would have been screwed. She had promptly sent Harry home and ordered him to take the sobriety potion. "I know you have at least one," she had said, "with the way you used to drink." Harry knew Teddy absolutely despised it when he drank, and, despite being upset with the boy, Harry didn't want to cause him discomfort over it.

So, Teddy would Floo over once he finished looking at Mr. Weasley's new computer, or "cotmuter". And, knowing the head of the Weasley house, that could either take five minutes or five hours.

Fortunately, or rather unfortunately, Harry heard the Floo flare up as he left his bedroom.

"Harry?" the boy called. Harry entered the living room to see his Godson wiping soot off his pants.

"How was it?" asked Harry, stopping a few feet away from him. It took much resistance not to swoop the boy up in his arms; however, Harry was supposed to be angry at him, and an angry man did not lovingly embrace the object of his misery.

Teddy looked up, grinning. "It was pretty cool. We don't have any cotmuters at Hogwarts."

"Computers," corrected Harry.

"Yeah, those." Teddy picked up his duffle bag to carry it to his room. As he brushed past Harry, he swept his body against his in a deliberate move. He looked coyly over his shoulder, soft cobalt hair swaying slightly, before exiting the room.

Harry dragged his hand down his face in a tired rub, drooping his lower lid down.

"So what's on tonight's agenda?" called Teddy, voice echoing through the house.

"Um, sleep?" Harry asked. He followed the voice, feet dragging sluggishly. "It's like eleven thirty."

The pair met up in the hallway. Teddy looked arresting in his dark jeans and t-shirt, and Harry forced himself to cast his eyes away from the sight.

"I didn't know you were one go to sleep so early."

Teddy approached as Harry let his arms dangle by his side. "I'm not, but you are."

Teddy smiled. "I'm not sleepy," he said. Teddy, arms dangling as well, allowed his fingertips to gently-slowly-caress Harry's-whose breath fell short and arm involuntarily shook. "I'm actually feeling a bit high strung at the moment."

"Slap-happy tired, more-like."

Teddy shrugged, blue hair swaying softly over his eyes so Harry couldn't see his expression. He immersed his fingers in Harry's, gracefully picking up the hand attached, observing the lines on the palm with both of his smaller ones.

"It's an old man's hand," Harry said, letting out a humorless chuckle.

Harry met Teddy's eyes, which did not look pleased at the comment. "Not yet," said Teddy. "You are not even near old."

"Old for you."

"And I'm too young?"

"Yes," declared Harry. "Though, young enough for Victoire."

Teddy's hands tightened on the one he was rubbing. "Is that what you're on about with this 'old' crap? Victoire?"

Harry grimaced, pulling his hand away. It felt cold then. "It was a mere observation. She seemed friendly at dinner."

"She's just my friend, Harry."

Harry's forehead creased. "Friend."

"Yes," Teddy emphasized.

"You don't wish for more?"

"Of course not! I have you!" Teddy nearly yelled.

"And if you didn't have me?" Harry asked harshly. "Would you want her then?"

Teddy looked away. "No. It would be like last year. Victoire didn't matter then."

Struck now by how callous his comment had been, thrown in a fit of hurt, Harry sighed. He didn't know what to say to his Godson. He wanted him, yes, but Victoire was such an easier, better choice for Teddy.

Teddy started, and Harry half expected the boy to walk away, but he merely came closer, throwing his arms around Harry. Harry held him, Victoire and Teddy still reeling in his head like a tornado.

He was pathetic. A grown man jealous of a teenage girl.

He had to accept Teddy as he was now, for he might not have him later. And getting angry at him for acting like the young man he was was not the way Harry wanted to treat him with the little time they had together.

Pulling back just enough, Harry leaned down and enveloped Teddy in a tender kiss. It was the first one since September, and the relief was more than Harry expected. He tried to show how sorry he was to Teddy through its motions. His hands maneuvered themselves to sink into Teddy's thick hair, tilting back his head to the perfect angle so Harry could coax his tongue in between his soft lips.

He breathed heavily through his nose, as did Teddy, but breaking away now did not even cross Harry's mind. Instead, he untangled his fingers from Teddy's hair in order to pull Teddy easily to him, their torsos nearly squeezed together. Wanting more, Harry backed Teddy into the hallway's wall, now able to press himself fully against his Godson. The boy moaned and pressed back against Harry, one hand tightly fisting the back of Harry's shirt, the other roaming frantically, grabbing anything it could reach. Harry returned the gesture, overtaken with the feeling of Teddy's pliant body underneath his hands.

Finally, just before he thought he was going to pass out from the intensity of it all, Harry broke the kiss and moved his lips down the boy's neck.

"H-Harry," Teddy gasped.

Fueled by the utterance but unable to reach lower because of Teddy's shirt, Harry left his lips to caress and worship the side of his neck, while his rogue hands slid gently but eagerly under Teddy's t-shirt. The soft skin that met his hands made him moan against Teddy's neck, and he moved his fingers carefully against every crevice he met. The boy shuddered noticeably under Harry's touch.

"God, Teds," he murmured, pulling back briefly. Teddy looked ready to whine, but Harry cut him off with a firm kiss. Breaking away, Harry grasped Teddy's hand in his and led him down the hall, into his bedroom.

Teddy met Harry's eyes, a dangerous smile playing on his lips. They both seemed to realize where this was going in that moment, and the excitement floating through the air was near tangible. And Harry, more aroused than ever by the foreign, lust-driven look on his Godson's face, met him halfway in a kiss. Quickly returning to his previous task, Harry began pushing Teddy's shirt up, pulling away to lift it up over the boy's head. Teddy complied, lifting up his arms.

Harry stared at the boy's chest, having not seen it in years. His Godson was beautiful. The pale, baby-soft skin that covered his torso; the beginnings of fine, blue hair along his happy trail. He was unable to look way, not wanting to ruin the sight, until Teddy interrupted him with a groggy declaration that sent blood broiling through his stomach and then even lower.

"My turn."

Harry allowed the boy to clumsily undress Harry, unbuttoning his shirt with shaking hands, yanking the shirttail out of his pants with nervous force. He pushed the shirt off of Harry's shoulders, his hands trailing along with it, down Harry's arms.

Harry snatched up the hands before they finished pathing his arms, holding them by his sides, his shirt fluttering to the ground behind him. Pushing their hands out together on either side, Harry kissed Teddy with unrestrained passion, their now bare-chests rubbing together in a way that numbed Harry's thoughts.

Teddy pulled his hands away from Harry's, grasping suddenly at Harry's belt.

Harry gasped, pulling away from the wet kiss. "Teddy, you-" He didn't continue and merely let Teddy unhook his belt and pull it out of the loops of his pants. But, when Teddy's still-quivering fingers reached for his pants button, right above a rather-obvious bulge, Harry lay his own rather shaky hands against Teddy's, stilling the movements. "You want to-?"

The unfinished question lay between them for a beat before Teddy nodded surely.

And Harry didn't stop the trembling boy from removing his pants before Harry kicked them away, now standing clad in his boxers. He couldn't think straight enough to stop this, pure _lust_ and _need_ pounding in his ears.

"And-" Harry reached for Teddy's pants, wanting equal states of dress. The boy moaned, his erection's outline apparent when Harry hooked his thumbs in his pants and pushed them down over slender hips and thighs, revealing bright orange boxers that Harry would have laughed at had the situation been different. The boy discarded the pants on the floor without a glance.

Harry reached for the boy, now nearly nude, pressing his face back against his neck, lightly pressing his lips again and again against it.

"Oh, God, Harry."

Harry stuttered for a moment in his actions. "You still want to go on?" he asked, face away from the smooth skin and looking into Teddy's handsome, nervous, youthful face.

Teddy nodded. "I've just never-" he swallowed thickly "-but I want you."

The declaration egged on the desire in Harry, distracting the rational part of his mind. "Tell me to stop if you need-" Teddy nodded in agreement.

Harry pushed Teddy onto his bed gently, the covers already down. Harry coaxed him so his head rested on the pillow.

"Not all the way," Harry promised. He knew he shouldn't allow even less than that to happen, but he was in too deep to back out now.

"Okay," whispered Teddy, his wide eyes staring up at him. Harry climbed up over Teddy so that he rested in between the boy's legs. There seemed to be an eternity where Teddy's chest heaved furiously and Harry's heart pushed blood swiftly through his veins; but then Harry's pelvis dropped, and the pair let out a tandem gasp. Teddy's arms and legs reached up to wrap themselves around the larger man with excitement, and Harry pressed his forehead against Teddy's, a layer of sweat already formed from the build-up to that moment.

Slowly, slowly-such aching, torturous slowness-Harry's hips began to move, his erection grinding against Teddy's. The feeling was overwhelming, but Harry refused to look away from Teddy even when his eyes were begging to close with the sensation. Teddy's bright blue eyes stared at him three inches away, and Harry's heart clenched knowing he was trusted enough-loved enough-to be Teddy's first experience. Innocent Teddy.

Who was now pushing his hips up to meet Harry's slow thrusts.

"Harry," Teddy gasped, and Harry groaned in pleasure at hearing his dear, sweet Godson say his name with such need. "Oh, this is-oh, God-Merlin-"

"Yes," Harry encouraged, increasing the pace of his hips, being met at each pulse he lay down upon Teddy, writhing beneath him in this new pleasure. Teddy's lids fluttered shut, and Harry nearly moaned at the loss of his beautiful eyes.

"No-no, look at me." Teddy managed a half-lidded gaze, but it was enough for Harry, who wanted Teddy to see their passion, not just feel it. "I love you, Teddy, oh-fuck-I love you."

Harry bore his erection into Teddy's with as much pressure as he could, the heat between them nearly suffocating now.

"Harry, love you, too-but, God-wonderful-you're wonderful-"

And Teddy was rubbing up against Harry, heading for the glorious edge they both wanted to reach.

"You're-?" Harry thrust ruthlessly, needing more.

"Yes," hissed Teddy. One more push-two more-and Harry felt Teddy tense up-eyes nearly shut, sweat beading between their locked brows-and then Teddy came, for the first time with another person, with Harry, who moaned in delight and thrill, and who ground his hips against Teddy's a few more times before reaching release as well, shuddering uncontrollably as he felt semen spurt against his boxers, so close to Teddy's release, not knowing if anything ever felt this good.

The aftereffects took a minute to settle in, then Harry collapsed bonelessly half-on Teddy, head on the boy's shoulder, and Teddy let his arms and legs fall back down onto the mattress limply.

"That was-" said Harry.

"Amazing, incredible, fan-fucking-tastic," Teddy finished, smiling goofily at Harry.

Harry was sure he returned the lovesick gaze as the arm covering Teddy weakly hit his shoulder. "Language," he chided.

Teddy rolled his eyes. "We just did _that_ and you're worried about a swear word?" Harry laughed, unable to hold back. "And you were cursing a few minutes ago. Pot calling the kettle black much?"

Harry grinned, his hand rubbing up and down Teddy's bicep. "I suppose you have a point."

"Of course I do. I'm always right." Teddy looked over at Harry again so their faces were a few inches apart. Smiling a moment, Teddy leaned down and kissed Harry softly before pulling back.

Harry sighed, closing his eyes, completely content for the moment, wrapped around Teddy like he was. A soft lull seemed to have filled his being, and Harry couldn't remember the last time he had been so relaxed.

"Harry?" whispered Teddy. Harry made a noncommital sound in the back of his throat. "Love you."

Harry sleepily opened his eyes to find Teddy gazing at him with a new sort of intimacy that Harry had never seen on a person's face before. Not even on the few, past lovers he had had.

"Love you, too."

Teddy bit his lip and looked down. "Can I stay?" Harry recalled a similar question asked of himself months earlier. He couldn't deny the boy twice, nor did he wish to.

Harry nodded, smiling slightly. "If you get me my wand." Teddy's head snapped back up. "We're a bit of a mess." Recognition alighting his face, Teddy blushed and slid out from Harry's embrace and walked over to Harry's pants on the floor, retrieving the wand.

Offering it to Harry, Harry vanished their mess, spelled off the lights, then threw his wand on the bedside table.

Harry adjusted himself on the bed before Teddy quickly joined him, burrowing himself into Harry's side. Harry threw the quilt over them.

And, snuggling with Teddy under the covers, Harry had never felt more wanted in his life.

O O O

A/N: Literally the first real smut scene I've ever written. I might've gotten a bit carried away, but even though it was long I think it made it realistic. You like? Also, I was a bit appalled when I read through this at the number of mistakes I had made before editing. Clearly, my internal grammar-nazi is slacking. Review, betchesya. Bitches, yeah! (I just really enjoy the word "betch". Sorry).


	10. Chapter 10

Better Version of Me

Chapter 10

"Try to see it my way. Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong." -The Beatles

O O O

Harry stirred the next morning to the sound of food being prepared as well as a toothsome scent floating through the air. Groggily, he rolled out of bed, kicking off the quilt tangled around his legs. Using his nose as his guide, he was led into the kitchen, where eggs were sizzling in a pan on the stove, oranges were chopped up in a bowl, and biscuits sat in a basket, jam and butter nearby.

Teddy was just setting out two places on the table when Harry walked in. Flowers sat in a vase as a centerpiece.

Teddy, who Harry noticed had stolen his robe and was swimming in it, smiled at him when he walked in from beneath his blue bangs, but he didn't greet him, instead turning back to the pan of eggs.

"I didn't even realize I had this food in the house," Harry said, scanning the kitchen over again. He faltered on the table's decoration. "Or _flowers_."

Teddy, only his back visible, shrugged. "I may have walked down the road early and gone to the store."

"In the snow?" Harry asked. "In _that? _In my robe?"

"And boots," Teddy said.

Harry laughed. "Because that makes it _so_ much better. What did everyone think, you walking in like that?"

Teddy spatula-ed out the eggs onto a plate. He turned finally, giving Harry a sheepish grin. "That I was a hobo?" He brought the plate over to the table, setting it down. "And I stole your money because I didn't have any Muggle cash. Hope you don't mind."

Teddy sat, a glass of water in front of him. He gestured to the seat opposite him.

Harry took his place, sinking into the chair, shaking his head in disbelief. "You're unbelievable, you know that?"

Teddy gave him an eggy grin. "You're one to talk, eating breakfast like that," he gargled. He gestured to Harry's sparse outfit.

Harry snorted. "Swallow. And I would be wearing my robe right now if some nimwit hadn't stolen it."

Teddy merely sent him a smirk, both victorious and appreciative, and then Harry ate, too, warmth expanding throughout his chest.

When they were finished, Harry helped Teddy clean up the fulfilling breakfast, noting to himself with satisfaction and a bit of guilt how endearing Teddy looked in his robe.

"I need a shower," Teddy announced, once the dishes were finished, heading out of the room. Harry followed close behind, pushing his back gently at the entrance to his own room, prompting him away.

"And give me my robe back when you're done, thief," said Harry.

Teddy turned. "On one condition," he said. Harry's heart swooped, stomach nearly queasy at Teddy's teasing tone.

Harry tried to appear suspicious but knew he couldn't pull it off when his godson gave him that look. "And what would that be?"

Teddy grinned, biting his lip in an attempt to quell it, and stalked forward back to Harry. "A kiss." And Teddy closed his eyes in apparent waiting.

Harry leaned over and gave Teddy a kiss on his cheek. Teddy opened his eyes, disgruntled. "On the mouth, Harry."

"That's not what you said."

Teddy huffed snottily, turning about-face. "Well, I'm just going to keep it then." He began to make his way towards his room, and Harry could tell he was trying not to laugh.

"No-just wait." Harry grabbed Teddy's arm and spun him around, pulling him close. Teddy's breath caught, and Harry looked softly down at him. Teddy seemed to know what Harry meant this time, and his eyes fell shut once more. Harry leaned down and kissed him firmly. The kiss lasted a few seconds, until Teddy tried to intensify it, but Harry pulled away, smiling benignly at him.

"Robe?" asked Harry. He released Teddy, and the boy obligingly shrugged out of the garment, leaving him back in his orange boxers.

"Are you always this, er, bright underneath your clothes?" Harry asked, laughing and gesturing to the boxers he hadn't had the chance to mock yet, slinging the robe over his arm.

Teddy gave him a side smile, already edging back to his room. "You'll have to find that out for yourself." And then he disappeared, closing the door behind him.

Feet stuck to the floorboards, it took a moment before Harry could yank them up and return to his room, where a long, cold shower awaited him.

O O O

"What's your girl's name?" Andromeda asked Christmas Eve, dinner done, leaving Andromeda, Harry, and Teddy sprawled out across different furniture items in the festively-decorated living room like cats, bodies lazy with the hum of food and a smidgeon of alcohol.

"My girl?" asked Teddy.

Andromeda took a sip of her whiskey sour before setting the glass down on a coaster. "Don't pretend, Teddy," she said, reaching over a couch cushion to swat Teddy's leg in a move that clearly said _I am drunk_. "Your girlfriend. The reason you've been so moony lately."

"I don't have one." Teddy picked at his fingernails a moment before biting them.

She sent Harry a look of disbelief that he tried to share, not sure if he pulled it off or if he just ended up looking blameworthy. Either way, Andromeda was not sober enough to really care either way and merely gestured from Harry to Teddy.

"Surely you know something, Harry," said Andromeda. "You two are thick as thieves now, always exchanging owls and-" she gestured vaguely before settling her fluttering hand on top of her head "-spending time together."

Harry smiled tightly, feeling his cheeks protest as he did so. "As far as I know, Teddy has yet to have a girlfriend." Teddy met Harry's eyes, a blush infused within his youthful cheeks at the heated look.

Andromeda shook her head affectionately. "It's only a matter of time, I suppose. Your mother, Teddy, Nymphadora, began kissing boys at age twelve-TWELVE! Can you believe it? So young. She always was a bit of a free spirit. I suppose I should be grateful you inherited your father's relaxed demeanor instead of hers."

Harry smiled fondly at Teddy, on the couch, from his place in a squashy armchair, but the look was knowing, ironic. The boy shyly returned the open look, well aware Andromeda was sitting three feet away. "I don't know, Andromeda. I think Teddy is much more like his mother than his father."

Andromeda observed Teddy as well, and he sunk deeper into the sofa's back under both adults' scrutiny. "You think so?"

"Well," said Harry, "he's his own person, but if we had to give him a label to the parent he most takes after, Tonks would be the one."

Teddy didn't speak, turning in favor towards his grandmother's unfocused stare.

"As long as he doesn't go hunting older ladies like she did with Remus, I believe all will be well." She sent Teddy a teasing look, smirking at him. Teddy once more darted his eyes back to his godfather, who appeared to have swallowed a large bumblebee.

"You didn't think Remus and Tonks were good together?" asked Harry as casually as he could.

"No, don't get me wrong-they were good for each other, I think. But when your only daughter tells you she eloped with a werewolf fifteen years her senior, I was only too surprised. I don't know I could handle the shock again with my old age." Andromeda laughed, and Teddy and Harry tried to share it with her. She took another sip of her drink. She opened her mouth once more to gabber, but, fortunately, Teddy caught her in time with a well placed question.

"Presents?"

"Presents!" exclaimed Andromeda. "It's not Christmas yet."

"But we always open one present on Christmas Eve," insisted Teddy. "It wouldn't be normal to not stick with the tradition."

"I don't recall you opening a present last year."

Teddy shrugged, and Harry noticed he refused to look at him. "No, but we opened one the year before." Last Christmas Eve, they had spent it at the Burrow. Harry hadn't wished to remain in anyone's prolonged company at the time and had escaped right after dinner. Harry had declined Andromeda's and Teddy's request that he go back to their house for drinks and present opening. Looking back on it, Harry felt awful about his behavior. He could only imagine how hurt they were when he had retreated at seven o'clock to his empty condo than returned with them for what had been an annual tradition since Teddy was three.

"If you insist, I suppose," said Andromeda.

They all chose one present. Harry picked Teddy's, for he insisted that it could do him good tonight; Teddy reviewed his grandmother's present to him; and Andromeda opened Teddy's present as well, for Harry had left his presents at his house until morning.

Harry laughed as he opened the present to find a Christmas movie and a large Gryffindor Quidditch jersey with "LUPIN" written in bold letters along the back.

"So everyone knows who you're rooting for when you come to my Quidditch games," Teddy explained. He was a Gryffindor chaser.

Harry's lips shot up in a wry quirk, setting the present down on his lap. "A bit conceited, no?"

Teddy smiled but bit his lip nervously, a sure sign Harry had said the wrong thing, making the boy insecure. Eager to amend his jibe's result, Harry tugged the large jersey over his Weasley jumper with a bit of effort, as the sweater was wooly, thick, and stuck to other fabric. Once done, Harry maneuvered himself across the coffee table to sit next to Teddy and Andromeda, throwing an arm around Teddy's shoulder as a half hug, in what Andromeda would perceive a fatherly gesture, saying, "I love it, Teddy. When's your next game?"

Teddy happily leaned into the embrace. "Third weekend of January. Will you come?"

Before he could answer, from the cushion next to Harry, a howl of satisfaction was heard. "This was exactly the dress robe I wanted! Teddy, who told you?" Andromeda swiveled her dark-lidded eyes towards her grandson in joyful accusation.

"I might've heard Victoire talking about it with Mrs. Weasley." At the mention of the quarter-Veela Weasley child, Harry's arm, the one around his godson, convulsed down, clutching Teddy towards him. The boy flinched and flickered a glimpse at his face, allowing Harry access to the knowledge that Teddy noticed his reaction but wouldn't say anything about it in front of his grandmother.

Andromeda reached across Harry and grabbed one of Teddy's pristine, smooth hands, squeezing it underneath her faded, crumpled one. "Thank you, dear. I shall wear it at the next formal event I attend."

"You're welcome."

When his hand was liberated, Teddy opened his present to find -

Harry launched out a yelp of laughter, and Teddy grimaced at the gift.

For Teddy had received a plastic-wrapped package of brightly-patterned boxers.

"I see from where you get your eccentric underwear," said Harry, unthinking, his mind slightly clouded with the whiskey sour he had consumed earlier. Immediately, Harry looked to see what Andromeda had made of the comment, but he couldn't see her features, as she was still immersed in fabric, inspecting her dress-robe. Teddy merely elbowed him leniently in the stomach, warning.

"Thanks, Gran."

Not looking, the woman "hmm'd" in acknowledgement.

The small family talked for another hour, and then Andromeda yawned for the seventh time. "I need sleep, boys," she announced, standing up and stretching. It was only nine o'clock, but clearly the intense eating and drinking had worn her out.

Teddy stood, too, and Harry longed for the common weight and warmth he pressed against his side.

"Can I watch the movie I got Harry?" he asked, shooting a questioning glance at the man.

Harry, although tired, too, nodded in acquiesce, standing up.

Andromeda smiled at Teddy. "Of course, darling. Are you going to sleep over or come back after?"

Another glance. Another nod. "Sleep over," affirmed Teddy.

"Alright, but I want you two fresh over here at ten o'clock and no later!" she said.

The pair agreed to her terms.

Again, Andromeda allowed a wide grin to grace her cheeks, approaching and embracing them both in an awkward group hug.

She released them, an arm propped up on one of each of their shoulders. "I'm so glad you two have become so close. It warms my old heart to see your amended relationship!" To both of the boys' horror, Andromeda began to tear up. To add insult to injury, she added, "To see you, Harry, finally embrace Teddy as a parent is something I never dared hope to see. And on Christmas," Andromeda released them to rub her eyes, "it's very timely."

Teddy was the first to respond, more able to drown the guilt than Harry, who kept his constantly below the surface, leaving residue of a bloated, nauseous feeling jabbering in his lower back. "I'm happy, too, Gran." The boy, whose festive hair flickered from red to green with the admission, looked up and found Harry staring back at him, and the older man felt himself beginning to losing control of the situation.

Forcing his face to relax, Harry said, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, lads," she said, wiping her eyes once more with a hankerchief she had squalled from her pocket.

They bid their farewells, then Flooed to Harry's condo, which Teddy hadn't slept over at since that fateful first day back from break.

Harry had gone near crazy thinking what they had done, toiling over it in his mind, knowing Teddy was too young to do have done it; and how much Harry enjoyed it and wanted to do it again despite the sickening feeling he got when he thought of what Andromeda's or Ron's or Hermione's faces would look like if they ever knew of his actions.

But, Merlin, the way Teddy had moaned his name and light obscenities in the throes of passion, eyes barely open on Harry's orders, pining for _more_. . .

Yet once had to be enough. The impassioned memory had to hold him strong against more for now. If not forever, at least for tonight. Teddy would go to sleep in his own room.

"_A Christmas Story_," said Harry, reading the cover of the box, popping its disc into the DVD player. "Never heard of it."

"Me neither," Teddy said, collapsing familiarly on the couch, "but the Muggle lady in the store said it was a classic Christmas movie, so I thought it would be perfect for us."

Harry like how that sounded. _Us_. Like being together was just a regular part of the life in which they had movie nights and hung out together and had not a secret or a sin.

Harry joined Teddy on the couch, sitting against an arm and propping his feet up on the coffee table. Within ten minutes of the movie, Teddy had snuggled up against his side, per usual. Harry was instantly filled with memories of their night together. He was always reminded of it whenever he felt Teddy against him, even the barest touch setting of the onslaught.

It wasn't too much longer when Harry felt Teddy stroking his chest with the tips of his fingers, torturing him with the delicate ghost-feelings they left; and they made Harry _desire_, the thing he was trying to avoid, so they had to be stopped. Harry halted the touch by wrapping his own fingers around Teddy's. Harry refused to look at the boy, not wanting to see hurt or confusion, and merely stared unseeingly at the scene on the television.

Unfortunately, five minutes later, Teddy decided once more he was unable to keep to himself. Teddy shifted beside him, legs curling out behind himself until his front was facing Harry's arm. He leaned forward and began a trail of kisses along Harry's stubbled chin: smooth against rough.

As gently as possible, Harry pushed Teddy away, hating himself as he did it. It was unfortunate, really: he hated himself when he spurred on Teddy's advances but even more so when he rejected them.

"Watch the movie?" suggested Harry, turning to the screen. Teddy, disheartened, pulled away out of Harry's arms and sat a foot away, slumped in on himself. The boy no longer against him, Harry felt much like he did when Teddy earlier stood up at his own home to stretch, albeit much worse.

"Okay." The word was a wounded one, and Harry furrowed his brow in guilt. For the best, he told himself.

They finished off the funny movie in a brooding silence; Harry, ashamed he sent his confused godson mixed signals, Teddy, hurt his godfather rejected him when only nights before they had been laughing and kissing and loving.

Finally, when the credits rolled, a stiff Teddy stood up. Harry joined him in his stance.

"The movie was good," said Harry, merely to fill up the awkward silence that had settled like fog. The words sounded empty.

"Yeah," Teddy agreed, toneless, looking at anything, it seemed, other than his godfather. His shoulders were slumped and his whole body reeked of _wounded puppy_.

"Teddy, I-" But Harry stopped talking, not knowing what he should say. _I'm sorry_? _I can't do this_? _I love you_?

But then Teddy looked up for one insecure second to take a look at his godfather's conflicted face, and he ran forward, barreling his body against Harry's, burrowing his green head into his broad chest and wrapping his arms around his firm body.

Harry, arms held out at his sides, felt his resolve crumble and allowed his arms to return the embrace, although not as tightly as Teddy's death hold.

"Harry." The word was said by an unrecognizable voice. Teddy never sounded that small. Not confident Teddy, mature and sure of himself, smart and composed, witty and quick-tongued.

And it was this break from character that forced Harry to take a look at his hurtful actions. He led the boy on-for heaven's sake, he undressed and _humped_ the boy-and then he rejected him soon thereafter.

"I'm sorry," said Harry, running his fingers through the feather-soft green hair upon his godson's head. It was then Harry noticed it was the same texture and style as his own; that is, ridiculously tousled.

Feeling worse than ever, he planted a dry kiss against his godson's head.

"It's difficult," said Harry, "it's difficult to know when to take what I want and what I know others want."

Harry heard a sniffle and internally groaned. He had made him cry.

"What about w-what I want?" Teddy's question was meek, petulant almost. It definitely didn't suit the boy, and Harry, quite frankly, was afraid of it. Much more afraid of it than he was of an angry tone.

"I don't know," Harry admitted, voice a whisper now. "What do you want?"

"You." Teddy's voice was hurt, yes, but also sure. It was a hint of the Teddy with whom Harry was most familiar.

Harry pulled away, and Teddy let his arms fall by his sides, head hung, the portrait of defeat.

"Teddy," said Harry. "I want the same thing you do. And I know it made us both ludicrously happy when we-" A pause. "But what about others' reactions? Your gran's?"

Teddy, still trying to reign in his rare tears, sniffled once more before speaking. "You don't care enough about me to-"

"Of course I care!"

"Then show it!" Ah, there he was.

"I don't want you to get hurt by all of this-shunned by everyone you love!"

"Everyone I love is _you!"_

The admission pushed Harry to lower his voice. "You can't mean that. You have Andromeda, your friends, the Weasleys, _Victoire_." Teddy opened his mouth to protest, but Harry wouldn't hear it. "Sooner or later you'll find I'm not worth it."

Harry turned his back on Teddy, intending to walk back to his room and collapse unconscious in bed and forget. But he was stopped by Teddy's next words.

"Stop hurting me!" the boy shouted. "You say you don't want me to get _hurt_. Or _shunned_. Well, that's what you're doing right now- what you did all last year! I couldn't stand it when I didn't hear back from all my letters to you! Can you imagine? I loved you then, and I sure as hell love you now! I was a zombie last year-no more than an inferi some of the time. I would lay on my bed for hours thinking about you, daydreaming_, _imagining what it would be like if only you would acknowledge me again-tell me it's alright or drop by or hug me or kiss me. I won't have you killing me with this, not when I had you. I don't _want_ anyone else. No one ever makes me laugh like you do, or knows me as well, or makes me feel as safe! I don't want to be some silly, pining boy. I won't go back to that, Harry! I won't." The last word was broken, a rasp of what used to be Teddy.

Harry couldn't move. If he was honest with himself, Teddy's words petrified him. He couldn't remember a time when someone wanted him so much. All of his past relationships were short and unmeaningful. The general consensus was that Harry Potter was only worth dating because he saved the Wizarding World from imminent destruction. Harry easily got them and dropped them. Ginny Weasley had been his last genuine relationship and that was when he was sixteen. After so many years, to have Teddy want him for him, and so strongly, scared him shitless. And from a teenager? How would Teddy's feelings grow? Would they escalate or merely fizzle out? With Ginny, Harry hadn't wished to get back together with her after Voldemort's defeat, despite her interest; instead, he had wanted to focus on his godson, not distracted by a woman. And this is where that train of action arrived.

Harry was afraid to find out what a real relationship could mean. And that was the essence of his fear; for, if Harry discovered Teddy's feelings were growing, Harry was unsure if he could match the boy's expectations as a lover, his only experience from one-night stands and nameless women. When it came to love, he was useless, his past actions being an example of how he handled situations with people who loved him.

And, although the thought of Teddy rejecting him or losing interest shot a jolt of pain so deep in his chest he was sure his heart would stop beating, it was nothing compared to the raw panic he felt tiding in his stomach when he thought of how Teddy's feelings may be extremely genuine.

"I'm afraid," said Harry, finally. He didn't expand, didn't think he could, but it was enough for Teddy who Harry allowed to maneuver his unresisting body around to look down at the boy.

"Of what?" asked Teddy. Harry sighed and lay a hand on either side of Teddy's head, leaning down to rest his forehead against the boy's, eyes shutting. Harry felt Teddy's arms curl up under his armpits, young hands resting on his own shoulders.

"This feeling."

"Not what others think?" They were both whispering, nervous that if they talked too loud they would never be able to resolve the conflict brewing, exploding it with sound.

"That, too," admitted Harry. "But that's only a small amount of it."

Teddy sighed, and the breath that left him on that motion hit Harry, invading his senses.

"I swear," said Teddy, "once I graduate, I'll be with you. No matter what. Even if Gran disowns me and everyone hates me. As long as you don't."

"I could never hate you."

And then Teddy kissed him and Harry kissed back, knowing he shouldn't but unable to stop it. It felt like a necessary part of being, like if he didn't kiss Teddy he might stop breathing.

And they, inevitably, ended up falling back into Harry's bed, fully clothed, pulling and pushing and getting as close as they could, until, when the heat was too much, they sunk under each other's flesh and reverberated echoes of longing into each others' bones as their world shook beneath them.

Teddy stayed.

O O O

_A/N: _I wrote the majority of this chapter in the dead middle of the night (1:30-4). I should not have been writing at those hours. But I am always more creative when I'm sleep-deprived, so here you arrhhh! matey.

I made a "The Dude" reference from _The Big Lebowski_ in the chapter. Kudos to whoever can name the spot/theme. And it's not Teddy paying for milk with a .67 cent check lawl.

Also, if you're a nerd like me, you'd know that TBS does a 24 hour marathon of _A Christmas Story _every Christmas, but idk if the Britons have TBS so wateva I give them the DVD.

AND REVIEW! I got 15 alerts last chapter and 1 review, which, don't get me wrong, is awesome; but, if I'm getting 15 alerts clearly people are reading, and I'd LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE (MAKE LOVE TO) some feedback.

Peace out, brothahs from othah mothahs.


	11. Chapter 11

Better Version of Me

Chapter 11

"Don't go chasing waterfalls. Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to. I know you're going to have it your way or nothing at all, but I think you're moving too fast." -TLC

O O O

Harry had gone straight from a therapy session with Healer Covitch to Teddy's Quidditch game. Unfortunately, this also meant Harry was a bit more emotionally unstable than if his appointment was at a different time. Every two weeks he met up with Healer Covitch, and she would listen to all of his woes and troubles. Of course, Harry never admitted to the _real_ problem: that he was in an intimate relationship with an underage wizard who just so happened to be his godson.

Instead, he told the old woman about his feelings with what happened the past year. Feelings. Even the word in his head had a bad aftertaste.

Harry wasn't used to thinking about them or analyzing them or, as far as he was concerned, _having_ them.

But the healer they were merely repressed. Very repressed, according to her. Slowly, though, she could help him come out of his shell and learn how to show them.

Feelings. Great.

And, because of her "methods", as she dubbed them, he had left therapy with his feelings simmering under the surface, preparing to boil over.

So here Harry sat, in the visitors stand, waiting for the game to start. He had come a bit early not knowing what else to do until then. At least this way he was surrounded by familiar surroundings, calming his troubled mentality. Hogwarts. Quidditch. Two things he could handle.

But then Teddy appeared by his side, and he wasn't so sure of himself.

Teddy flung himself at his godfather, startling the man.

The boy dug his nose into his neck, pulling away shortly after. Teddy left a hand resting on his shoulder, the only display of affection his could give. Harry understood, and, with his fragile state, it was all he could take.

"I'm so glad you could make it!" Teddy beamed.

"You asked, didn't you?"

Teddy merely grabbed Harry again. They hadn't seen each other for three weeks and the boy was feeling a bit touchy. They pulled apart, assuming previous positions. Hand on shoulder.

"Doesn't your game start in a few minutes?" asked Harry.

Teddy shrugged. "I have time. My broom is right there." He pointed to the broom he had dropped to the ground at the opportune moment in order to grasp his godfather.

"If you say so."

"I do."

"Well, then, good luck," said Harry, "and break a leg."

"What?" asked Teddy, confused.

"Muggle reference," Harry shrugged, "but it's alright because you're still learning. Your Gran did corrupt you, after all, what with the Muggle pop culture incarceration that happened since you moved in with her."

"I didn't _move__in_ with her. I was a month old," argued Teddy. "I was put there. It would be 'moving in' if I went to live with you."

Marbles rolled pleasantly around his stomach at the thought of Teddy moving in; for, if Teddy could talk so casually about it, the boy must have put some previous thought into the idea. Stupid, Harry knew, as the boy had stayed over as frequently as he could, but that fact didn't deter his feeling.

"Also, she didn't _incarcerate_ Muggle culture-if you'll remember who she fought for during your war _and_ who she married-but she doesn't like to be reminded of her dead husband, so we merely don't have any electronics or Muggle paraphenalia."

"Point taken. Sorry I said anything."

"_Lupin!_" At the sound of his surname, Teddy turned to the source.

Harry didn't recognize the older girl, most likely a seventh year, but she was clearly Teddy's captain. She was hovering on a broom next to the stand.

"I know you love family reunions and all that rubbish, but I'd appreciate it if you were down with the team. We're about to play Slytherin, and here you are canoodling."

Harry grinned slightly, the first time since before his therapy appointment, at Teddy's blush.

"I'll be there in a minute, Becca," he said. The girl raised her eyebrows. "_Really_," Teddy insisted.

"Fine, but if you are a second later, you are a dead man." Harry had no doubt she would live up to her promise as she flew away. She reminded him of Angelina Johnson in her demeanor and focus.

"You'd best leave before your captain castrates you," said Harry.

Teddy grinned, and Harry regretted his blase words. "Wouldn't you be in a fix if that were to happen?" the boy asked. Harry double checked to see if anyone was eavesdropping. All clear.

"Wouldn't _you_?"

Teddy nodded, pulling his hand off of Harry's shoulder. "Touche."

"Time to go?"

"Yeah." Teddy grabbed his broom and turned back to Harry, a bashful look below his brow. "So, after?"

"Don't you have a party? A celebration of winning, maybe?"

Teddy shrugged, breaking all eye contact. "Well, yeah, but they're not much fun. And you're here."

"I doubt that. Gryffindor parties were always a riot when I was in school."

A meek shrug once more. "I just want to be with you."

"Old as I am?"

Teddy's eyes snapped to his on these words. "You are _not_ old."

"Right."

"You're _not_! And any time spent with you is time well spent." Teddy dropped the subject, fortunately. Harry didn't want to argue; he wanted to support Teddy and watch him win.

"Good luck," Harry bid once more, and, with a small smile, Teddy hopped on his broom and flew off.

The game was going peachy: Teddy had scored three goals, made a tough maneuver and passed the Quaffle to his teammates with excellent speed, ease, and precision.

Until a Bludger came from no man's land and hit Teddy.

Hard.

In the ear.

And he fell.

And fell.

Falling.

Harry's only reaction were the marbles falling, too, in his stomach and head, over the edge and into an abyss.

O O O

"How is he?"

Andromeda. She was here now. The knowing and the thinking were just now starting to work together in Harry's mind.

"In there." Harry gestured to the cold, wooden door, January Frost making his appearance in the stone hallway, no more information able to be given.

Andromeda burst through the doors, pushing the heavy plank back to hit the internal stone wall with a large _clang!_

Harry stayed still, unable to once more look upon the bruised visage of his godson. The first time, he had nearly broke down, and left the room, throat tight.

The first time, Teddy was in an unstable condition. After, though, Madam Pomfrey had come out, greeting him like an old friend, benevolent, and told him he would recover. How well, she knew not, but Harry couldn't go back in yet. The cusp of chaos was in his throat, ready to claw its way out at the barest hint of a trigger.

Teddy had fallen off of his broom. He had fallen sixty feet. A cushioning charm barely caught him, the impact harsh but not deadly as it would have been without it. Deadly.

As in dead.

The trigger went off, and the chaos was released. One moment Harry was standing, a stoic brick, the next, he was sliding down, cloak scraping roughly against the stone, burying his eyes in his palms.

"Harry?" The soft voice called his name. He looked up. Hermione. She grimaced at him. "I heard what happened from Andromeda. She didn't realize where you were, so she Flooed me at work instead. Are you alright?" Her eyes bled sympathy.

Harry, embarrassed, wiped roughly at his cheeks, nodding jerkily and staring at a crack in the floor. He couldn't speak for fear of a strangled, wavering voice coming out.

"Have you seen him yet?" she asked.

"At first," Harry said, voice just managing a stringy chord. "Just-for the past few hours-I-Hermione, I can't see-it's too much." And that was all he could manage. In fact, getting out that many words was quite the accomplishment with the clutter filling his mind and the way his throat had closed.

Hermione, being Hermione, slid down onto the dusty floor, messing up her pristine work robes and wrapped him in a hug. Awkwardly, with the angle with which the hug was received, Harry returned the embrace. It didn't ease his worry, but it did offer a sort of comfort, knowing at least he had his best friend with him to help.

The hug lasted as long as it took for Andromeda to reappear, which was about two minutes. When Hermione pulled away, her eyes were puffy as she dabbed at them delicately.

"He's awake, Harry," she said, sniffling. "He asked for you first thing."

Harry, a new alertness beating through his chest with the news, scrambled to his feet from his place on the floor and entered the same way as Andromeda did minutes earlier.

Teddy's bed sat in the far corner, where a curtain remained open, welcoming him to his bedside. Harry hurried there to see Teddy. Alive. Awake. Bruised, though. His face did not look as mutilated as it did an hour previous, but evidence of his accident was more than apparent. Magic could only do so much healing at once, after all. Too much and a patient was at risk for foreign magic poisoning, rejecting the magic as it was not one's own, thus inciting an attack on one's own body.

Harry was five feet away and stopped. So delicate, Teddy smiled; however, the smile was weak. It was not as bright and energized as normal, so unlike Teddy's greeting grin before the match.

"Just like you." Those were the first scratchy words past Teddy's lips. Harry got the air that Teddy thought he was making some sort of grand joke.

"What?"

"Mm," Teddy said, weak grin widening, "just like you, fallin' fr'm my br'm."

Surprised laughter resonated from Harry. It was clear Teddy wasn't quite in his head, but the fact that he was able to joke was a sign he was going to recover. "I suppose you're right. But you'd better be damn sure this is the last time you take after me. I'll kill you myself if something like this happens again." Harry sat on his godson's bedside carefully. "Reckless, foolish idiot." He stroked the blue hair fondly, pushing it back on Teddy's forehead, revealing a widow's peak.

"But I'm your foolish idiot." The boy pulled down at Harry's robes, indicating the want of a kiss. Harry complied, a short, tender press of soft lips on his.

"You," said Harry, "are delirious on potions. You're saying the worst things."

Teddy giggled, closing his eyes to the feeling of the repetitive strokes. "Worst? What about things like looove?" The boy drew out the word, still giggling to himself.

"What about love?"

Teddy chuckled again, cracking one eye partly open. "Like I looove you forever and ever and ever and eve. . ." Teddy trailed off, yawning widely.

"The feeling's mutual." Harry resigned himself to this drugged-up Teddy. In a way, he found it endearing as well as relieving. Teddy was _alive_.

"Looove," the boy droned once more. "Callin' me looove like-like-a-thing-boyfrn. . ."

"Shh, Teddy. Go back to sleep. You need rest. And time to flush all of these loopy pain potions out of you."

"Loopy," Teddy said, now almost half asleep. "Loopy love, you and me. That's what you are. Loopy. Lupin."

"You're Lupin," Harry corrected. "Teddy Lupin."

"No, you, too." Teddy was nearly asleep. "You're a Lupin, too. Potter. . . Teddy Potter. . ."

And the boy let out a snore.

Harry sighed and continued to stroke his hair, the action as soothing to him as it was meant for Teddy.

"Ahem." Harry turned to to see Hermione and Andromeda leaning up against the door's entrance. Harry nodded at them, trying to turn back to Teddy with no reaction. How long they had been standing there, he knew not, but he hoped not long enough to see their kiss. With enough luck, they had entered towards the end of the conversation and not heard Teddy's jumbled mumblings.

He was terrified of what would happen should their romantic relationship be found out. Andromeda was liberal and rational, but he didn't think she was laid back enough to allow her teenage godson have a romantic and physical relationship with a much older man, no less his godfather.

But Harry couldn't change it now. Either he act normal or be definitely found out. More than anything, though, he had to focus on Teddy.

Making sure Teddy recovered.

Making sure Teddy was happy.

Making sure Teddy was alright with _them_.

For, all Harry could do was give the boy what he wanted. So far, despite qualms Harry still held, he could not resist indulging in his own desires because Teddy desired the same. Harry awaited the day that Teddy would figure out that their relationship was impractical and immoral with dread. In fact, Harry had expected that day to happen long before the present, but, miraculously, it had not.

Always he wished that he could end it himself. Knowing that he was too messed up to do so tore him up. And now _this_.

"Andromeda told me Madam Pomfrey has him on some pretty strong pain potions," said Hermione, approaching Teddy's bed with Andromeda.

"When will they wear off?" Harry asked.

"Jus' the eggs. . . ," Teddy murmured after a particularly loud snore. Harry laughed slightly, pushing the soft, blue hair out of Teddy's eyes.

"He's speaking gibberish."

"What a person really believs is often revealed under the influence of mind-altering substances," said Hermione. Harry looked up at her, heart beating rather quickly. Her face gave away nothing.

"That so?"

She nodded. "Inhibitions are lowered, so one cares less about what others think." She smiled a little, then, drolly. "Although, I don't know if eggs and what Teddy truly thinks about them is going to change the world."

"Hm." Harry looked away from Hermione's guarded face and back at his sleeping godson. He felt like his best friend was telling him something, but he didn't think he was ready to decipher her code.

Clearing her throat, Andromeda stepped forward. "Poppy told me the potions should wear off by morning," she said. "Until then, I am going to go home and get some rest. Tell Teddy I'll see him tomorrow, will you, if he wakes?"

Harry nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. Andromeda approached her grandson and leaned down, kissing his forehead and smoothing out his covers. She fussed a little more, making Harry's stomach squirm uncomfortably. She looked at Harry and Hermione once more before making an exodus.

Now alone with his childhood friend, he sighed and collapsed on the bed next to Teddy's.

"That boy is going to be the death of me," said Harry, unwilling to meet Hermione's eye. "I come to one Quidditch match and _this_is what happens." He gestured helplessly towards his injured godson.

Hermione didn't respond, but she came over and gingerly sat next to Harry. He stared at his hands, fumbling around each other in his lap, brow creased slightly in the middle.

"Andromeda loves Teddy very much," she began, and Harry, despite being relieved, felt a confusing disappointment at her topic choice.

"Like her own son," Harry agreed quietly. He lifted his head fractionally so he could rest his gaze upon his slumbering godson. So peaceful asleep, Teddy was in direct conflict with his normal personality, one that was full of bright friendliness and eager intensity. Harry thought that perhaps, had he had a childhood not tainted by Voldemort, that he would have turned out similar to Teddy. As it was, Harry was much more serious as a teenager than his godson could ever hope to be.

"She cares a lot for him," she continued. "Just like you do."

Harry wanted this conversation to stop. Because, no matter what he'd like to think, he did not love Teddy the same way Andromeda did.

When Harry did not say anything in response, Hermione sighed. She rested a hand on his knee hesitantly before taking a few starting breaths. She seemed unsure. "If-Harry, I know you. You are all or nothing. You always have been. Last year at this time, you gave nothing: not to me, not to the Weasleys, and definitely not to Teddy. I know that, and I think you do, too." She took a deep breath before continuing. Harry stared at an insignificant portion of the floor, eager for her to get out what she needed to say, but feeling as though perhaps he should bolt instead.

"Since the summer, you have returned to your normal self. You're more interested in relationships with us and seem happy. Are-are you happy?"

He risked a glance in her direction before turning away again. She was biting her lip, clearly finding it hard to get the words to say what she meant. He sighed. "I think so."

There was a minute of pause before Hermione spoke again, and Harry thought the words sounded forced. "You and Teddy, right?"

"What?" snapped Harry, far too quickly, staring at Hermione. His heart dropped, but he had known, of course, this was where she had purposefully led the conversation. He wanted her, reasonable Hermione, to know. He thought that was what he wanted.

"I-I was standing in the doorway when you went in to see him." She looked away, chewing on her bottom lip and removed her hand from his knee. "Andromeda, of course, didn't see, but I saw and heard everything." Harry cast his eyes down, unwilling to look at her kind face. Hermione was always level headed and thought things through. He, though, did not deserve her logic.

"I've noticed your behavior's improvement, of course I have, and I thought maybe you had found-a-a partner."

Harry let out a bitter laugh. "Probably sorry you were right." It was useless to deny anything she was concluding.

"I can't say that I'm thrilled about the circumstances," Hermione admitted quietly.

Harry snorted. "Yeah, a thirty-two year old man and a fifteen year old. My godson, no less." He collapsed forward, elbows on knees, face in his palms. "It just-happened." He turned his head to look at one of his dearest friends. "Fate knows how to throw me a curveball. Every damn time."

"Love knows no age," she said, smiling sadly. "But you've seemed content, even with all the therapy I know Andromeda is forcing you to go to." She sighed. "Just-the way you looked at Teddy earlier when he had woken up-it was as if the world had just stopped and all you could think of was him and his happiness. I've never seen that expression on your face, even with your past girlfriends. It got me thinking-Ron looks at me like that sometimes."

Hermione placed a hand on his back and rubbed it soothingly. He closed his eyes, thankful he had a friend like her, who would support him through whatever he got himself into.

"Whatever happens, just know that I'll always be here. All you have to do is ask. Sometimes not even that."

Harry let out a weak chuckle and stood up, pulling away from Hermione. He walked over to Teddy's bed, crouching down before reaching out and cupping his cheek. Teddy's dark eyebrows furrowed, and he leaned into the touch, letting out a small whimper. Harry's heart clenched with emotion.

"I know that Hermione," Harry nearly whispered. "Even if I royally screw everything up."

"Even then," she agreed.

O O O

A/N: COLLEGE. I love it more than anything in the world, and I've never been happier, or more drunk; however, I have neglected writing.

AND THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS :D They were delicious :P


	12. Chapter 12

Better Version of Me

Chapter 12

"All I really, really want our love to do is to bring out the best in me and in you, too." - Joni Mitchell

O O O

The train had arrived. Harry leaned, a friend to the stone pillar sticking out from the ground beside him. He had come alone to greet Teddy's arrival. Andromeda had not been feeling her best, and so Harry offered to get him and take him home a few days, not at all burdened.

He kept his eyes searching at the open doors of the train, looking for the trademark blue. Finally, Teddy appeared, and Harry watched as the boy scanned the station with his eyes. When his eyes met their mark, they lit up, and Teddy headed over towards Harry's pillar.

Harry stood up straighter. The last he had seen of him had been one day after the Quidditch match; Harry had come by again to make sure Teddy had recovered. He had, but it was not until after thorough reassurances from the boy that Harry felt that, yes, Teddy was okay. Since that day, it was only the letters that had been exchanged between them that kept Harry sane but not very.

When Teddy reached Harry, he set down his trunk and then fell into his arms. Harry wrapped himself around the boy, breathing him in. The scent reminded him of what happy felt like, and he never wanted to exhale. However, his lungs began to sear, and he let out a relieved sigh. Teddy's shoulders were solid and so real that Harry longed to forget about the people around them.

But, after one longing hand sweep against Teddy's neck, Harry released him and grabbed the trunk's brassy handle.

As they began to roll away towards the exit, Teddy said, "My birthday passed a few weeks ago."

Harry sent him a fond side-glance. "Oh, yeah? Is that what that package I sent you was for?"

Teddy lightly rammed his shoulder against Harry's: they were walking very close.

"Okay, what's so special about your birthday?"

"I was thinking. . ."

"Always scary." This time, Teddy sent a glare his way and again engaged in the shoulder-ramming. Harry found he didn't mind in the slightest.

"You know what happens in England when you're sixteen?" asked Teddy.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "You go into your sixth year at Hogwarts? You take Apparation lessons? You equal four times four?"

"You drive a moped!"

"Is that anything like a motorcycle?" Harry thought back to Sirius's flying motorbike that he rode in with Hagrid. It had been a bit creaky. Harry wasn't sure he felt comfortable with the idea of Teddy riding one of those. Although, he imagined, it couldn't be much more dangerous than flying on a broom; but look where that had landed Teddy a few months ago.

"Sort of," said Teddy. Harry held out his arm when they reached an abandoned alcove in the station. Teddy grabbed onto it firmly, and they Apparated away, feeling the familiar squeezing like going through an airtight tube. They reappeared in Harry's kitchen. "A moped is smaller and doesn't go as fast."

"That so? What do you expect me to do about it?" Harry dropped the trunk with a thud against the wood floor.

"Well, first, help me contact Mr. Weasley because he is the one that told me about it. Figure out what it takes for me to get one. Second, help me get one."

"Is it safe? I'm not sure I want you to have one if you're going to get hurt." Teddy had rebounded from his Quidditch fall quickly enough, but Harry worried about how many lives the boy had left.

"It's safer than a broom," Teddy insisted. Harry wasn't so sure about that. Teddy could just be making up things to make Harry give him his way. However, if he needled his godfather enough, he could get Harry to give in eventually anyway.

"We can talk about this after dinner," suggested Harry, although warily. "I'm taking you out as a belated birthday surprise."

The crafty look on Teddy's face changed to delight. "Where?"

"Barosa's. It's Italian and Muggle. Two things I know you love."

Teddy bounded over to where Harry was leaning against the table. He kissed his cheek soundly. "Thanks," he said.

Teddy had just begun to pull away when Harry grabbed his arm gently and pulled Teddy back so he was mere inches away. Harry brushed his blue hair from his forehead delicately and looked softly into Teddy's gleaming eyes. A force guiding him, perhaps his heart, he leaned forward to brush his lips against Teddy's forehead with barely the wind of a caress. Teddy's eyes fell shut, and Harry felt his heart beat thud noticeably harder.

He withdrew his mouth from his forehead to whisper them against Teddy's. It lasted for a moment that seemed to drag on forever, the only sound in the house their unsteady breathing, and then they tangled their lips together, pliant and moist and forgiving and eager.

It was a silently sweet returning. Teddy's hand had made its way to one of Harry's biceps, the other around his mid back, searching up and down. Harry's arms, too, were now entangled around his godson and knotted tight. Harry felt like a limb he hadn't known he was missing had finally returned and now he could use it and explore it and love it. When Teddy made a sound in the back of his throat, a quiet moan, Harry felt his stomach expand with pleasant heat.

His knotted arms began to loosen and before he realized what he was doing, he had tugged Teddy's shirt out of his pants, and his hands roamed the soft skin of his torso reverently, as though trying to remember every hill and imperfection. Except it was perfection. The perfection of imperfection. It was Teddy's sloppy, loving tongue in his mouth. It was awkward arms reaching everywhere because there were too many places to be. It was running his hands all over Teddy's body, and it felt soft and bony at the same time. It was them.

And the imperfection was only made more perfect when Teddy pulled back to breathe heavily in Harry's face, his cheeks hot and blotchy, and panted, "I bet." He ran his arms up so they circled Harry's neck to pull him even closer so their noses were touching. "I bet I know how to get that moped out of you."

Harry smiled, too contentedly relaxed in this state of bliss to laugh. "Please and thank you."

But then Teddy did laugh, and the perfection was still unbroken. "Good manners will get you everywhere."

Harry's only response was a small smile and a nose nuzzle. He pulled his head back farther so he could look at Teddy properly. He wanted to stare at that face.

"You act more like an animal than me," said Teddy. He rubbed his nose and Harry's nose together to emphasize his point. "And I'm the one with the bad genetics."

Harry shook his head and favored burying his face in his godson's neck to looking at his face for the moment. "There's not one thing encoded in your body that I could not think was utterly, magnificently-"

"Perfect?"

"I was going for piggy."

Teddy pushed Harry back. He was grinning broadly, but a glint was in his eye. "You were not."

"I was."

"Take it back. You think I'm perfect."

Harry shook his head. "Nobody's perfect." Except you. But that was not to be admitted.

"I know," Teddy agreed. "But you think I am. You think I'm the best thing since sliced bread. You think I'm the hottest thing since that cauldron full of hot, strong love. You think-"

Harry silenced him with a firm kiss. "Be quiet, you ridiculous, conceited Hippogriff."

"Hippogriff?" asked Teddy.

"Cauldron full of hot, strong love?"

"Point taken." Teddy pecked him. "Still perfect."

Harry smiled down at Teddy and felt nothing but that. "You caught me. You're perfect."

"Meant you."

Harry withdrew from Teddy and picked up his trunk once more to carry it to his room. He turned back to look at Teddy who wore such an expression of adoration that Harry was afraid to see what his own face looked like. A mass of goo, probably. He couldn't muster up the effort to care. His brain and heart were goo, too.

"Let's see what you have in here to wear to dinner. It's a nice restaurant," said Harry, raising his eyebrows at Teddy's harried appearance.

Teddy smiled broadly at him and didn't even look down to inspect his loose tie and rumpled, untucked shirt.

O O O

"I just had a fantastic idea." Teddy and Harry were outside their home, walking along the lit street. Their home was only a phrase Harry used in his mind, however.

"Does it involve a moped?" asked Harry.

"Potentially," confirmed Teddy. Although Harry said they would talk about the moped after dinner, he was trying to avoid it for his own sanity.

"Let's hear it, then."

The pair reached the edge of a rusty playground. Teddy led them over to the swings and took a seat, pushing his sneakers off the wood chips to start moving.

Harry followed and sat down beside him but didn't start swinging. "Alright," Teddy said, "when I graduate, I was thinking of buying a space in Diagon Alley or somewhere around there. Put in a restaurant. Grow my own plants when I can. . .that sort of thing. Make it really contemporary and chic. Vegetarian." Harry glanced over at Teddy to see him casually swinging with a slight grin. "Also, drive a moped to work everyday."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea. Minus the moped."

Teddy let out a laugh. "Oh, come on. The moped is the best part!"

Harry raised an amused eyebrow at Teddy, and the boy grinned happily back.

"What I meant to say is that the best part is when we drive my moped to work everyday from our home in London and scare all the people of the magical world with our sweet ride."

Harry laughed loudly, but his stomach couldn't help but do a swoop as if he had missed the last step on a staircase. "Oh?" he asked, trying to calm himself. "Am I to be your slave in the kitchen even then?"

"Especially then!" Teddy said. "It's cheap labor, and you would do anything for me!"

Harry sighed dramatically, although he knew it was true. "Well, I suppose as long as you keep me away from the onions, I shall prevail."

"I guess I can sacrifice my own hard work to the onions." Teddy swung up high and jumped off the swing to land smoothly a few feet in front of them. He turned around. "Only because I don't want to hear your whining about them!"

Teddy held out his hands for Harry to take, and, unquestioning, Harry allowed himself to be pulled up.

"Let's stargaze."

"Where?" asked Harry. "We're in the middle of a city."

"Apparate us somewhere. A field or something."

"Oh, yeah," droned Harry. "I just have heaps of fields in my list of Apparating destinations."

Teddy fixed Harry with a stern look, and so Harry gave in and took a moment to think. He grasped Teddy's arm without delay when he decided on a place and popped away to reappear in a wide open field near Godric's Hollow.

Teddy took in their surroundings, the village in the distance twinkling merrily. Harry answered when Teddy held the question in his eyes. "I was born here."

"In this field?" asked Teddy, but there was not much humor in his words. A calm had overtaken them, and Harry felt the serious shift in atmosphere like night and day to the minute before.

Harry gently took Teddy's hand and led them to a patch of grass that lay flat. He conjured a blanket with his wand and lay it down. They did as the blanket did and looked up at the surprisingly clear night sky.

They pointed out a few stars and constellations, glad for the Astronomy lessons they had taken in school to entertain themselves. Harry was a bit rustier than Teddy, however, it having been years since Professor Sinistra's classes and would occasionally say things like "Mars is bright tonight" to lighten the intense mood that had settled upon them.

Teddy sidled up against Harry, and it was a gift that he felt he didn't have to be discreet about it anymore. Harry looked up at the stars and admired their twinkle and beauty. He breathed in the warm, summer air around them and listened to bugs and frogs sing. He felt the breaths flow through Teddy as they lay together on the soft blanket on the cushy ground and wondered at the world.

Somehow, being this happy was something Harry feared. It was almost too good to be true, lying next to his fiercely witty godson looking into the crystal sky. At this moment, Harry didn't know if he could love anything more ever again than Teddy. The connection he felt toward him was magnified in this field and on this blanket made from magic. It stood out clearly even though darkness surrounded them physically.

Maybe this was what living felt like.

Harry couldn't help himself and tore his gaze from the heavens to admire his godson. He was surprised to see the boy looking back intensely. The look setting his heart on fire, Harry reached out and caressed his cheek. "I love you," whispered Teddy, and Harry's gaze softened even more. How many others had been like this? How many had felt this way before him?

Harry leaned forward and claimed Teddy's lips as his own.

Passion escalated between them quickly, as they had felt as though on pins and needles all night, ready to be set off. Harry rolled on top of Teddy, pressing his whole body against him, their curves molding to fit against each other. God, this was unimaginable; and, when Teddy moaned gently into his mouth and his hands slipped under Harry's t-shirt to dig his fingernails into his back, Harry's heart in his chest felt fit to burst.

Harry peeled his mouth away and began to push Teddy's shirt up and over his head. Teddy complied eagerly, almost frantically. Harry understood and felt similarly: they had been together only one time before like that. Harry knew where this was leading, and all the pent up emotions and worries Harry felt towards the boy were just now exploding out in this physical form of showing.

He knew what he had been trying to do: keep Teddy innocent and free, for he was only a boy. But not that young of a boy. He was an old boy and a young man. And yet Harry had forgotten his hold backs in this grassy field. He had left them somewhere in London or at Hogwarts or at Andromeda's house. Yes. Here in this beautiful, ethereal globe they had created this night, only thoughts of wonder were left in Harry's mind and feelings of love left in Harry's heart.

And so he slipped Teddy out of his shirt and pants and himself out of the same. He leaned down to capture Teddy's lips again, worship them and cradle them between his own. He pulled back and looked into Teddy's eyes as his thumbs hooked into the waistband of Teddy's playfully patterned boxers of cats, the creatures roaming all over them. Teddy looked up at him trustingly, although his chest heaved. Harry faltered when he realized his own was rising and falling just as fast. But then Teddy shifted his hips a bit, and Harry breathed in slowly and glided the boxers down his legs, sliding down with them, so Harry was level with Teddy's knees.

Harry looked up again and saw Teddy's eyes shut tightly, perhaps with nerves or embarrassment. Seeking to reassure him, Harry leaned up so that his mouth was against Teddy's ear. "You're absolutely perfect," he whispered as his hands roamed along Teddy's body, being everywhere and yet hardly enough places. "I love you so much. I want you so much." The lust in his words and voice could not be mistaken, but nor could the reverent touches from his hands.

Teddy was everything, and though Harry knew this already, in that moment the weight to those words crashed down around him. He had to give this boy what he wanted and he had to show this boy how much he was wanted.

Teddy let out a badly suppressed moan when Harry's fingers grazed lower than they had been. Harry finally gave in and wrapped his fingers around Teddy's most intimate area. The boy's hips jerked up in reaction, and Harry let his ringed fingers gently slide up and down every crevice, allowing Teddy to get used to him. When Teddy relaxed enough to get worked up, Harry slowly began to kiss down Teddy's torso, biting and tasting. Teddy's breathing was erratic by this point.

When he reached where his hand was, Harry was unhesitating in action to deftly replace his hand with his mouth.

"Harry," Teddy called out, and his hands flailed out, not quite sure where to land, but they finally settled on the back of Harry's head, barely any pressure, hesitant and unexperienced.

"Oh, fuck," Teddy said. "I-I think-" and Harry knew, but he stayed where he was.

"Harry!" And Harry allowed Teddy to buck into his mouth, hot and pulsing and magnificent. When it was over, Harry pulled away and rested his head over Teddy's racing heart.

Harry closed his eyes as he felt Teddy card his fingers through his hair. He felt his own need, but he forced himself to ignore it. He had just given and taken something to and from Teddy, and he felt no need to receive any attention in return.

After a minute, when Teddy's breathing had returned to normal, Harry shimmied his body up so it curled around Teddy's own. Teddy turned onto his side so they were face to face.

Teddy stared at him, and Harry wasn't quite sure what he was thinking. But then Teddy let a small smile grace his face, and he reached out an arm to wrap around Harry.

"I'm so in love with you," the boy said, and suddenly Harry could hear the crickets around them. He had forgotten they existed. "It's incredible, isn't it?"

"Love?" asked Harry, voice scarcely more than a whisper.

"Yeah," answered Teddy. "It's like how we can go from joking around and just talking about any silly thing and then turn around and be close like this, even though we were so close already just talking and-and-how you just loved me like that-I just-somehow, I can't see how anyone else could ever measure up to how you are with me."

Teddy's eyes were shining, even in the dim light of the moon and the stars. "What color moped do you want?" asked Harry, deeply moved by Teddy's words.

Teddy grinned, and his eyes got a bit shinier, and he leaned forward and kissed Harry gently on the mouth.

And Harry knew that even if other people had felt like this, too, it didn't make his feelings less real toward Teddy or less trivial.

The age between them finally met its match, and that match was love and how it made Harry and Teddy invincible.

O O O

A/N: Worth my thousand year wait? No? YEESSSS?! Yes.


End file.
